When Life Takes Hold
by The Lilacgirl
Summary: After the destruction of the Chantry, Anders was sure he was as good as dead. But even as he lay dying, abandoned by Hawke, he quickly realizes that his help with the Mage's plight is far from over. Learning that he and Justice are not as bound as he firs
1. Prologue

When Life Takes Hold.  
>Prologue.<p>

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><p>Sometimes we have to stand for whats right.<br>No matter the cost.  
>Who decides when the price is too high for freedom?<p>

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><p>The sound was like thunder in her ears. Hawkes heart felt like it would explode from her chest, the sound catching her unaware as sky before them explode into a million brilliant pieces, while molten rock and debris was showering down around them. Hawke stared up in horror as ash like snow flitted down around her. She and her companions looked up to where the Chantry had once stood, now a vast emptiness in its place.<br>Her mind was reeling, the world was spinning 'What did he do?' panic welled up inside her. It felt like the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Did she have a hand in helping him with this madness? She couldn't believe the man she thought was one of her closest friends used her like this, and made a fool out of her. Killing all those innocent people, children, Elthina... oh maker and what for? To prove some point?

She couldn't breath, everyone was shouting, she could barely understand them, their voices rattling through her head; this was all just too much. Hawke stared at Anders, in shock, confusion, anger, fear and even pity pulling her emotions every which way.

"What did you do Anders?...What were you thinking?" She pleaded with him, as if it would make sense of what had done, after everything they had been through together. Everything that he had done to help them, to help her to just throw it away with this horrible act. There must be have a good reason for it she tried to tell herself, there was no way the man she had come to trust with her very life could do such a thing.

She yelled and begged for answers but his explanations seemed weak at best. There had to be a better way to help the mages, not like this. There was no way this could help anyone, it could only condemn the mages not help set them free. There's always a better way.

He argued that he and Justice were one and the same now, that this was a something that had to be done. She didn't believe it; she had known him far too long to believe they were the same. She knew it was just some excuse to make her hate him, but it wasn't working she couldn't hate him even though she knew she should, too much had happened she knew him to well.

Sebastian cried out for vengeance and for Anders' death threatening to do it himself, if she was to weak to do it. She flinched as she thought, maybe Anders deserved death for his crime, maybe it was the only way. But weren't they already killers? The seven years together she had killed many by her own hand alone, does that mean she should die as well? Maybe Anders was right in his reasoning's that this was the only way, maybe there was no compromise she didn't know anymore.

Hawke looked at her companions, she trusted each one with her life, especially Anders, the man who saved her more times the she wanted to recount. Hawke helplessly stared at their faces, some of them were as conflicted as she felt, while others twisted with hate and disgust.

But it was Fenris, her love, her heart, her fierce wolf. The man she trusted above any other their eyes met, his dark green to her pale blue, she knew what he would do and she knew that he would stand by her what ever she chose to do. That's all it took, she knew, there was no time to linger. They were out of time. Anders was out of time and it broke her heart that she couldn't save him from himself. If he had just told her his plan, they could have found a better way, she knew she could have found a better way, but now he made his bed and now he needed to lay in it.

"I'm sorry, Anders... But you have to pay for what you've done." Her tone was harsh, but her heart was breaking she fought back the tears that threatened to over take her.

"I couldn't tell you, even if I thought you wanted to help. I couldn't risk you being dragged down with me. Not after everything you've done for me." He said, staring off not able to look at her, he was ashamed, that was something at least.

"I am involved Anders! I am just as much to blame for this as you, I can't claim ignorance. I'm guilty by association and you know it." Hawke spat, her anger and self guilt writhing within her.

Anders slumped forward in defeat; he knew it would come to this. He accepted the loss of his life years ago, as soon as he had taken Justice in to himself, but all that mattered was that the mages were that much closer to freedom, and he would soon be at peace.

"I understand Hawke, I'm just glad it's you." He spoke softly, his body trembling.

The moment the dagger slipped effortlessly into his back, Hawke regretted it, she wanted to take it back. Anders gasped in pain and slumping to the ground. The guilt of what she had just done flooded through her, she should have made him redeem himself, or just let him go, but the decision had been made, and she would have to live with it now; there was no turning back.

As she stared at Anders still form as the blood pooled under him. She felt a flood of guilt, all of her failures and everything she should have done differently. They would have to come back to collect his body later, there was no time. Turning away she silently but briskly marched past the others, not looking at them, she just could not look at them.

"Sister..." Bethany croaked,grabbing Hawke by the arm as she passed pulling her around to face her, tears filling her eyes. "He did it for the mages sister, he did it for me, you didn't have to..."

"Don't Beth... just don't," Her voice shakey, pulling Bethany's hand off her arm. " We need to go, the mages need our help, they need us now more than ever."

"Alyson, please don't, it's not too late, let me help him ..." Bethany begged her sister pleading.

"BETHANY! Just... stop it, please... He was my friend too, but we need to go now, there's no time for this. You can hate me later, okay." Hawke snapped, tears flowed freely now, she turned away from them; she couldn't face the guilt she felt, it overwhelmed her; she needed to hold herself together and she couldn't stand to see the hate in her sisters eyes for what she had done, and what she wish she hadn't done.  
>No more words were uttered after that, Bethany nodded and followed the others quietly. There was no looking back now, only to go forward to do what needed to be done. Hawke led her group away, leaving Anders behind; and moving forward to save what was left of Kirkwall, and the mages.<p>

OoO

Anders lay there listening as they argued at Bethany's pleas, and Hawke refusal as Bethany's soft sobs and the sound of their footsteps faded away into the distance. They had been his friends, his companions, and now they were nothing but memories, bathed in his own blood he lay there dying, he was thankful for it.

He deserved no less than this for what he had done; the lies, and deceits. No matter how necessary it had been, there was no turning back. No fixing what he did. Anders welcomed the peace that would come in his death. He felt no pain. There should have been, for he could feel the dagger; the pain and wrongness of it as it slid between his ribs. There was pain at first, but then it dulled he could feel his heart beating against the blade and he wondered if it was Justice that was keeping the pain at bay. He wasn't even sure if it was something Justice could do, and Justice was being silent.

Anders was grateful for it none the less. Soon he would be gone and Justice could go back to the fade fulfilling his duty to the mages and was given his dues. He felt weakness coming over him, his lids were heavy, as he fought to keep his eyes open; he wanted to leave this world drinking in the last bit of it. But everything was spinning as he tried to stay focused. He fought it he needed to take it all in, to say his goodbyes to his life, for whatever it was worth.

'It won't be long now.' He thought, as it became harder to breath. The sound of his heart beat weakening, the sound thumping in his ears.  
>There was faint sounds of screams in the distance, the clash and scraping of metal echoed off the walls; the sound so far away and yet part of him wanted to go and help he wished he could, but he knew he was out of time.<p>

There was a new sound that caught his attention, a soft shuffling of footsteps, a lot of footsteps. He strained to listen as the steps drew closer. Frantic whispers as someone drew near him. Anders wanted to call out and tell them to run, he was beyond help, tell them to leave Kirkwall now it wasn't safe here anymore.

The soft scuffing changed to a quick clicking; someone was running to him, he could feel a light gust of a breeze as someone knelt beside him. A warm hand brushing against his forehead, sliding down to rest on his neck, checking his pulse.

"Clare, go back to the others and get Tuck quickly. This one is not long for this world." The voice said, the tone sounded strange but sweet, reminding Anders strangely of something familiar, soft, kind and…empty. Something within Justice stirred in him at the sound of this stranger's voice, making Anders take notice of the spirit's sudden agitation.

"What's wrong, Justice?"

There was no answer just the feelings, the raw emotions wrathing within him. There were more voices now, a buzz of jumbled words both far and near, to many to try and focus on just one.

There was a man's voice now; he was close, his voice panicked. Anders tried moving to see his would be savours. Why would anyone want to save him after everything he has done? All the people he has hurt, the friends he had betrayed he didn't deserve to live... but he also didn't want to die.

"I…I don't know if I can heal him, I've never healed a wound this bad before." The man spoke his voice shaky, it cracked thick with fear.  
>"I have faith in you. Tuck, please, you must try. Even if it's just enough that we can get him to Evelyn, I know she can help him."<p>

The sweet voice rang in his ears again so soothing and freighting at the same time. He turned his head blinking and trying to see her. But the sun was too bright, catching only a glimpse of dark gray robes. 'Another Mage?' he wondered. 'Why were they here?' 'Why weren't they fleeing, this was their only chance to break free.' Justice stirred again stronger this time, now fighting to gain control; Anders fought back, he didn't want the last moments of his life having his strings pulled by Justice.

The warm hand returned, this time brushing lightly against his cheek. "Don't worry friend, we leave no mage or innocent behind. You are safe with us." The voice cooed soothingly.

Anders groaned he wanted to tell her to leave him there, that he didn't want to be saved. He wanted to die. To tell them that he was the one that caused all of this death and havoc, but his voice wouldn't let him and neither would Justice.

"We need to take the dagger out so I can heal the wound up enough, till we can get him back to the others." The man said. "We need to hurry before the Templars discover us here."

"Then hurry my friend, we have many to keep us safe, do not worry. I will not leave this mage. Not unless he is far beyond this mortal world." The voice took on a tone of determination.

The familiar tingle of healing magic flowed through him. Anders shivered, his body was cold from loss of blood. The pain slowly ebbing forward now, not bad, but throbbing.

The feeling of pressure from the knife was starting to lessen and the magic flowed freely now. He felt a pulling of muscle and flesh as the wound began to close slowly from the inside. Gasping, he took a deep shaky breath to keep himself from slipping into unconsciousness.

"Turn him over, I need to make sure that was the only wound." The man panted, he sounded tired and drained, likely using up most of his mana healing.

Anders squinted, blinking back the bright sun that was glaring in his eyes. There were blurred shapes and dark shadows hovering as he stared up dazed. One of the figures leaned closer, it was the woman he thought, the one with the sweet voice. Her hazy figure coming in and out of focus as she hovered over him, looking down at him.

Dark blond hair that hung loose around her. Delicate features lined her youthful face, as dark green eyes stared vacantly into his own hazel ones. A small smile played on the young woman's lips. Anders eyes widened as his attention was drawn from the woman's green vacant eyes to the blazing brand of a sun upon her forehead.

Anders eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You're Tranquil?" he whispered, his voice rasped. 'Tranquil wouldn't help me like this, they are Templar pets they wouldn't help on their own without someone pulling their leash.'

"You could say that." The woman seeming bemused by the idea.

"How… I don't understand." Anders questioned, something was wrong here. Very wrong. He could sense it, made his skin crawl.

The woman leaned closer to Anders, her expression thoughtful, her face mere inches from his own. Her warm breath tickling his face; she stared in his eyes like she was searching for something. Her smile widened as a display of recognition played across her face.

Justice began to rage in his mind now, fighting strongly against Anders' own will to keep control. In the years they shared a body, Justice never seemed so blindly crazed to come to surface like this, he had lost control before when his emotions were peeked, but now Justice wanted out he didn't understand why.

"Ah, I see." The young Tranquil said, her smile now brightened her whole face.

Her smile gave Anders an uneasy feeling. To see a Tranquil smile was very creepy and to see any Tranquil react like this felt very wrong.

"Hello Brother." She chimed, cupping Anders cheek. "I am surprised, and very pleased to see you."

"Brother?... I don't have a siste…"

"MAGES! … HERE!…" The shout echoed, reverberating off the walls. The loud clang of a dozen plated boots sang through his head as a group of Templars gathered around the small group of mages. Dread reared up, thoughts writhed within Anders' skull.

They tried to save him and they were all going to die because of him. He felt Justice flare through him, this time he didn't fight to keep him at bay, if they were all going to die here, he would be sure to take out as many Templars as he could, as his body moved on it's own, he stayed back as he let Justice exact his Vengeance.


	2. Evelyn  Chapter 2

**When Life Takes Hold  
>Evelyn<br>**

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><p><em>"I tried to hold on but somewhere a long the way I got lost."<br>"We all get lost sometimes."  
>"But for me there's no turning back."<br>"I have lost myself, and I' don't want to be found."  
><em>

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><p>Evelyn had always loved the night, it was always so peaceful, she found it the best time for her to think and reflect. There were no real distractions, only the subtle sounds in the darkness, of many nights spent staring up at the a millions of tiny shimmering pinpricks lighting the night sky, her father had told her stories of the stars when she was a child, great battles and lost loves all on display over head, she would hang on his every word, bright eyed in awe thinking them all true as most children were lead to believe. She knew better now though, the tall tales of youth that spark the imagination shaping of young minds. Evelyn wondered if her sister still believed the stories in the end, she hoped so.<p>

It was the peaceful serenity, that she had missed the most when she had been forced into the circle. A small shiver ran through her at recalling that night the templars had caught her and dragged her away, bound and gagged, she hated them, not only for what unspeakable things they did to her, but for what they did to her parents, to her life, and to her sister. They haunted every moment of her life, taking away those she held dear.

Living in the circle was the Maker's idea of some cruel joke she was sure. They couldn't even give her a room with a window so she could see the sky, they just happily crammed her into a little room with six others, and beds stacked on top of one another, she hated it there as did everyone she knew, but she had known the freedom most that the others were to young to remember. She knew what it was like to look up at the sky, to feel the rain on your face the wind rushing through her hair, and see the stars. To be able to go where ever and when ever she pleased.

Evelyn had never taken her freedom for granted either, her mother told them what life was like in the circle, she made sure that both her and Lucy understood that as hard as running all the time was for them, it was always better than living in the circle and she was right.

Frowning as the thoughts swirled in her mind of the past and then the present, they needed to plan their next move, time was running out, they had a few days at most before the risk of being discovered was too great, but she was far to tired and freezing, the day had been filled with running and chaos, she was drained. The wind had gusted up from out the Waking Sea up over the cliffs, and cut through the temporary refuge. Evelyn pulled her thin moth eaten blanket tightly around her scooting close to her little camp fire, she wondered how the others were settling in.

Evelyn always made her camp away from the others, it was better for her this way. After spending four years in that cramped little room, she needed her distance and even with seven years of freedom, after the fire in Starkhaven circle, she still couldn't bring herself to be that close to them or that close to '_her' _for that matter. Evelyn didn't want to hate her but sometimes it was impossible not to, If the others needed anything they would come to her, making sure they knew they were always welcome.

Evelyn looked over at her new patient that had come in with the injured from Kirkwall. It had taken everything she had to keep the man alive, and now he was curled up on his side in a tight ball on her bedroll snoring softly beside her. He was quite handsome she thought with a smile gracing her lips, a stray blond hair had fallen out of it's loose pony tail, hanging down in front of his face, absently she reached out to brush the hair back, but pulling away before touching him, she fought the urge to push it out of his face. She didn't want to be fawning over this one, no matter how incredibly handsome she thought he was.

She has wrapped him in her only two thick heavy blankets had wrapping them tightly around him to help keep the biting cold at bay, she watched him sleeping peacefully feeling a little envious. He would likely wake very soon she figured, the sleep spell she cast wouldlikely be wearing off, and she wanted to be awake when he did, so she waited.

Tuck had done a good job, she was proud of the Elf, he had come a long way from the scared young man raised in the circle, she stole away from the templars.

Tuck had been her sister's best friend in the circle, and it didn't take Evelyn long to realize why. Tuck was loyal and funny, and he cared for her sister deeply. Evelyn had suspected there may have been more there but Tuck would never admit it to her, and she wouldn't pry, not anymore, she wasn't about to ask _her_ about it either.

Tuck had healed the man's wounds better the she ever could have he never gave himself enough credit in his skills, but she wasn't much of healer either. She was still the best they had for the moment making her pretty much always drained it seemed, she found that strangely funny, seeing how many mages they have acquired over the last few weeks, and none had been very proficient as a healer, or at least they weren't admitting it.

They had been at this camp for two days already, she knew they would have to be on the move soon, the risk of being discovered was becoming too great now after what happened in Kirkwall yesterday, she had heard rumor's about what happened, but was unsure what was true, and what was fabricated so much chatter and gossip it was to hard to keep it all straight, all she knew was it had something to do with the Champion and her companions, because of them there was very few safe places anymore they really needed to move on soon.

"Still brooding, I see." Tucks voice filled her little clearing as he, came up the small incline from where the others refugees were gathered for the night, he carried a large clay bowl, that he balanced carefully in his hands. His large golden eyes flickered in the light of the fire, giving his cheery expression a ethereal glow about it, she always liked the strange colors of elven eyes his were no expectation. His once short cropped black hair had become long, and was always sliding from behind his ears falling in his eyes, driving her crazy, she begged him to let her cut it but he only laughed, saying that the woman loved his long hair.

"I don't brood, I contemplate... things." Evelyn smirked, wrinkling her nose, shifting herself, making room for him to sit next to her.

Tuck laughed, "Contemplating, huh? Well if you contemplate any harder, your face will have a permanent brooding look to it." He said as he carefully settled down beside her balancing the bowl while trying not to spill the contents on himself. His smile unwavering and bright he offered her the steaming bowl.

Evelyn sighed, staring at the bowl. "I'm not hungry, you eat it Tuck, you need it more then me you're a bag of bones."

his smile wavered, his brows knitting together as he shoved the bowl under her nose. "Take it Eve, you haven't eaten anything in days. It's rabbit stew, Clare made it, it's good."

Her stare lingered at his offering giving in taking the bowl carefully, placing it gingerly into her lap she stared down into the thick grey mixture, the warmth felt good helping take the chill from her body some.

"Thanks." she whispered.

"You're not going to eat it are you?" Tuck scowled at her.

She shrugged, staring blankly into the stew. "It won't go to waste, don't worry."

"I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you. If you don't start taking better care of yourself I'll have to tell your sister..."

Evelyn snorted. "She's not my sister anymore, she hasn't been my sister for a long time now." Her voice grew thick, she swallowed down the lump that came up in her throat.

Tuck nodded his black hair falling down in front of his grey eyes, huffing he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back out of his eyes, "I know… but she's still Lucy right? Even just a little, she has her memories, that's something at least. We haven't lost her completely."

Evelyn grumbled. "That's just it, Tuck, it's just memories my little sparrow was taken from me, she was gone the moment those bastard templars made her tranquil. You were there, you heard what Compassion said, she's empty inside and there is no soul left in her, just empty memories."

The tears that used to come so freely when she thought of her young sister didn't come this time. Perhaps she was just tired or maybe her heart just couldn't take it anymore, and she began to steel herself to the loss she felt. Her sister was dead and nothing would change that, she was just a shell for lack of a better word.

"You're right, I know… I just wish."

"We all wish Tuck, no one wishes more than I do," Evelyn sighed again, picking the clay bowl up from her lap placing it on the ground. "Thank you for the stew, I'm sure our new patient will be hungry when he wakes."

"Evelyn, you're going to make yourself sick. You've drained yourself healing him, you need to eat." Tuck scolded.

"I'll eat when I'm hungry." she said flatly.

"You better, Compassion already knows you're not eating, it's bad enough that she's been running herself ragged. I know you don't want her to come up here but..."

"Tuck, please. just enough already." she snapped.

"Alright, we're all worried about you Eve, that's all."

"I know."

Tuck looked over at the snoring mass of man curled up beside Evelyn.

"How is he?" He asked,she knew he using the subject change to defuse her rising irritation with him.

"He'll live. It was touch and go for awhile, but he should make a full recovery in a few days. He needs rest to build his strength." she said, staring down at the man curled up beside her, giving in she Groaned, nervously she leaned over tucking the stray hair off his face tucking it behind his ear. He stirred mumbling incoherently, jerking her hand back as if he was lunged at her, resting her hands on her lap.

Tuck cleared his throat, fighting back a chuckle. "Yes well, that's good, Compassion seemed very worried about him."

"Is it true what she said? He has a spirit bound inside?" she questioned, her eyebrows drawn together in concern.

"Yeah, you should have seen him, it was pretty impressive with how badly he was injured, he fought like a man possessed." He chuckled.

"Ha...Ha...Ha, How very funny you are, you should go to Starkhaven, and become the court Jester to the King." she drawled, rolling her eyes giving the elf a playful shove.

"Ouch! How you wound me so Eve, such a brute." He mocked, rubbing his shoulder his lip jutting out in a fake pout.

"Psh, you know one of these days, I'll show you what real pain is." Evelyn chuckled, winking at him slyly.

"Is that a promise?" Tuck said playfully, with a hint of hopefulness in his tone.

"Ha, you wish."

"Yeah, I do." His expression had become somber, reaching out placing his hand on her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

She flinched from his touch, she had known that Tuck started to have feeling for her, the jokes and the innocent flirting, but she found lately he had been getting bolder in his pursuits of her it was becoming harder and harder to deflect his advances. She felt bad that she didn't share those feelings, loving him more like a friend or even a brother maybe if things had been different and that he hadn't been in love with her sister it might have worked, but not now. Sometimes she just wanted to feel someone to be close to, and love her it had been far too long since she felt another's touch. She couldn't go down that path with Tuck knowing how he felt. She couldn't hurt him like that, and she knew couldn't give him what he wanted from her no matter how much she wished she could.

"Tuck, I..."

The man whimpered, making the conversation stop to her relief. They sat watching him flinching in his sleep as he mumbled urgently.

"He has a troubled soul." Tuck whispered.

"Yes, and even more troubled spirit." She could sense it just like it was with Compassion, the flickering of the fade within him turning, restless, she felt drawing to him a kinship of sorts hoping maybe that he would understand what it was like, but maybe she was just hoping for something that wasn't there maybe they were the feelings of a desperate woman, she didn't know anymore.

He jerked awake his eyes shooting open, a blueish glow making Tuck gasp and scramble back, but was all too familiar to Evelyn, she frowned. The blue eyes flickered, dieing out turning to a soft hazel hue,. The mans eyes bulged he began to panic, shouting with arms and legs flaying in a sea of tightly wrapped blankets, magic crackling around him.

Evelyn scrambled to her feet lunging at him, without thought for her safety. Old habits dieing hard as she grasped him holding fast in an attempt to sooth him.

"Easy now, you're alright, there's no threat to you here, you're safe." Keeping her voice clam, and soothing.

The mans urgent flaying eased, staring at her confusion etched on his face, his body began to slowly relax.

"There we go, you're fine, no one will hurt you here. They would have to get through me first, and that would be just plan crazy." She smiled, giving him a little wink, regretting it as she cursed herself inwardly for flirting with the poor man. One day her excessive flirting was bound to get her in trouble she was sure.

Tuck barked out a laugh at her comment, slapping his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"You Shush." she scolded Tuck, as she slowly helped the man untangle himself from the blankets.

"Thank you." The man crooked out, as Evelyn fixed the blankets around his shoulders so he could sit up.

"You're welcome." She smiled warmly at him. She chuckled, when his stomach loudly.

"Are you hungry? There's some rabbit stew here, it's quite good." Watching the man's expression relaxed, nodding as a small smile tugged at his lips reflecting her own.

Tuck snorted. "Like you would know how it tasted." he grumbled.

Evelyn shot back a glare at Tuck noticing that he had settled back down next to the fire, but further away from the stranger.

She grumbled, glaring back at Tuck. "If you're going to be a pest you can go back to the others and pester them."

Tuck sighed waving his hands in defeat. "Fine, I'll shut up about it...for now."

Picking up the clay bowl she offered it to the blond stranger. It had cooled considerably since Tuck had brought it to her, but she doubted a hungry man would mind cold stew. Taking the bowl from her his hand shaking slightly. Evelyn settled herself beside the him on the bedroll, the man looked at her curiously from the corner of his eye before hungrily devouring the grey mixture.

She watched him with amusement, wondering if she would have to send Tuck down for some more by the way he was devouring it as if he hadn't eaten anything in days. Perhaps he hadn't she thought.

It wasn't long before he emptied the bowl, bits of gravy stained the corners of his mouth, setting the bowl on the ground.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

"Fine, a little sore." He looked from Evelyn to Tuck then around the darkened camp. "Who are you? Where am I? What happened?"

"So many questions," her noses wrinkled, smirking. "We're in an alcove along the Wounded Coast, we should be fairly safe here for a few days at least, it's very well hidden and we have precautions in place." She paused gauging his reaction to the news. "What do you remember?"

He nodded absently, staring into the fire his eyes looked troubled, frowning shaking his head. "Not much really, just fighting, and me dying." shrugging he looked up at Tuck. "I remember you, and a young girl... a tranquil."

"Compassion." Tuck said, wearily watching the man with distrust. "She found you laying in a pool of your own blood, with a dagger in your back."

The man flinched. "Ah, yes."

"Who did that to you?" She asked softly.

"I...I don't remember." He sighed, shoulders slumping forward.

He was lying, of course he was it's his story to tell, and she didn't blame him for not wanting to share it with strangers. She felt badly for him, he had been through a lot, she could see it in his eyes. The deep sadness that lingered, she knew that look all to well.

"My name is Evelyn, that's Tuck." she motioned towards the elf.

"Anders." He said, as he fidgeted nervously with the end of one of the blankets, that draped across his shoulders.

"Anders... I know that name," She watched as he twisted the end of the blanket around his finger.

"Ah, yes... well." He stammered, confused as Evelyn smiled at him nudging him with her shoulder into his.

"It's alright, you don't have to tell us now. You can tell me when your ready, and if you never are then so be it."

Anders, body relaxed again, "Thank you Evelyn, I appreciated it." his voice took on a kindness, that made her smile.

"Of course, don't worry, but I do need to ask you something Anders if it's alright?" She looked at him serenely.

"Sure..."

"Tell me about your spirit, and how you came to meet it?"

Anders body when ridged, his eyes wide he stared at her in shock. "You know?"

Tuck snorted, "Who didn't know, the way you were taking down those templars, and then the argument with Compassion, it was kind of hard not to notice."

"Oh... I don't remember...that." pulling his knees up to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees as he sighed.

"It's alright, I just want to know who we are dealing with."

Turning his head still rested on his knees he stared at her his brow furrowed. "You're not afraid of me? Of what I am?"

Evelyn chuckled, "No, I think I understand better than anyone really."

"Somehow I doubt that, I don't think anyone could really understand. What it's like to have a spirit of Justice trapped inside you."

"Justice is it? Well that explains quite a bit." She mumbled more to herself, nodding as if the thought agreed with her.

Anders glared at her. "Explains what?" Anders said, harshly edge to his tone. "That I'm poor sod to take pity on? Or an abomination that will turn on you the second your backs are turned, well I'm not!" Anders growled, his temper flared.

"What! No, no, I never said you were either of those things. I didn't mean to give you the impression that I did... I'm sorry."

Anders expression softened, sighing "Oh...well don't, I feel like just an ass." Anders frowned, pulling the blanket around him tighter groaning. "sorry for that."

Evelyn laid her hand on Anders back, pulling it back when he flinched away at her reassuring touch.

"It's fine Anders, I understand," Looking into his eyes her bright green to his light hazel as she smiled warmly. "When I say I understand, I really and truly do... you see until just recently, I, myself shared my body with a fade spirit, I understand what it can do to you."

Anders shot up straight as her words sunk in, his eyes went wide in shock as he stared at her his mouth gaping. "WHAT!"

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><p><strong>AN ~ _I want to thank everyone who had read/favorite/alert, and reviewed. I thank you all, special thanks to Jinx1983 for beta this chapter you are a wonderful dear friend._**

**_Some of you will notice the pen name change, the reason for this is I've always been known by Jellybonkerz or Bonkyz as Jinx1983 so lovingly named me. The change of name is just easier for everyone and cuts back on the confusion. ^.^_**

**_Enjoy! oh and Bioware owns my soul. xD_**


	3. Anders, Chapter 3

**When Life Takes Hold.  
><strong>** Anders.**

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><p><em>Sometimes when we think we've lost the will to go on we need to stop.<br>__Take a breath then we realize things are never as dire as they first seemed._

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><p>It felt like his breath had been completely sucked out of him. His mind was reeling, as a surge of shock reverberated from inside him. Staring at the woman with his mouth gaping. His teeth making a audible click, snapping his mouth closed.<p>

Words were failing him. Anders wasn't sure if she was lying or just bloody out of her mind insane. He looked at her and she stared back at him completely unfazed by his gawking. The light from the fire flickered and danced across the soft contours of her face, the expression she wore was not one of someone who was lying or even crazy. He had known a lot of crazy people in the course of his life. To him she looked composed and calm, but the look in her eyes, the scrunched up squint that screamed sadness, worry, stress. He knew them all well, it was feeling as if the world was coming down around him.

He remembered almost everything from the day before, that feeling of foreboding when he heard that the Knight-Commander had finally stepped over the line. That moment when he knew that it was time for their plan to be set in motion, and yet again the world was about to be turned upside down.

Justice had swarmed and writhed inside, screaming for Vengeance, and he would have it that day. Anders knew that it was going to cost him his life, but in the end it was worth it to know that they would be free.

He felt the loss of friendships forged over the last seven years. Betraying Hawke hurt the most, she had been a true friend, she went above and beyond what anyone had ever done to help him. Still it had to be done regardless, shoving the guilt down that threatened to over power him, he owed it to every mage in Thedas, and to himself and for Justice.

Now confusion took over. Justice was sedated, but Anders could still feel him inside. Justice ever presence lingering at the edge of everything that he was, but Justice didn't stir even with Anders sudden surge of emotions, it didn't threaten to bring him forth like it always had before. Perhaps Justice knew something he didn't? It was impossible. They were one and the same now. There were no secrets to be had, and yet he couldn't recall what had happened. No matter how hard he tried to remember. The panic, the shouting, the Templars swarming, Justice ragingly fighting against his will, giving in then nothing.

Anders blinked, his body shivering, even wrapped in the thick wool blanket's, night air was sharp and biting as most nights in the Free Marches were, the stifling hot days and the bitter cold nights.

Evelyn had rested her hand on his arm. Her eyes were a green sea of worry as it etched across her face. The touch was cold, her hand trembling. The cold of the night effected her as well, Anders realized. Her touch, filled him with a strange sense of ease. And not feeling the urge to shy away this time, as she squeezed his arm reassuringly.

"It's alright, I understand if you don't believe me yet." She said, he voice was soft and sensitive.

"It's not that... there's no reason for you to lie. I just don't understand how."

"I will explain everything in time, Anders, you've been through much. You need time to recover."

The thoughts were still a jumble in his head, this woman was seemingly sane, had allowed herself to be a willing host to a spirit, and then found a way to remove it. There was too much information, he remembered Justice when they first met, the strange friendship that blossomed. Then Anders watched as Justices' corpse of a host slowly withered away, fast making it impossible for him to move.

He recalled the nights they sat just talking about the mages, the injustice they endured, what he himself endured. Vengeance writhed within him now. This is what he had done to his friend, by allowing him in, he twisted him with his own hatred.

Did Evelyn have that problem as well he wondered, did her emotions corrupt her spirit, causing her to look for a way to do the impossible?

"Anders..." Her concern was cut short. A terrible wailing sob broke through the still darkness, echoing off the surrounding rocks and cliff sides.

Anders stomach flipped, the feeling of foreboding dread like tendrills tightened around his chest, he wanted to bolt to be ready for anything, he had become more aware of the aching pain in his body anchoring him into place.

Their heads snapped in the direction of the distant camp, where the sound emanated from. Tuck scrambled to his feet walking at a brisk pace towards the sound, quickly disappearing in the darkness . The sobs increased, becoming louder, Anders could feel Evelyn tense beside him, her touch still light on his arm but her expression was focused and staring, like a cat ready to attack an unsuspecting mouse.

There were whispers, rushed and distressed, the sobs has lessened to a steady whining mew. Tuck's and another. Evelyn's hand tightened it's grasp on his arm, he frowned at her as a flash of distress and pain crossed her face briefly before it disappeared just as quickly.

"Are you alright?" Anders questioned her. She glanced at him nodding before releasing her grasp on his arm, her hand sliding down to her lap.

"Evelyn." The sweet familiar voice rang from within darkness.

Anders recognized it, and Justice flared to attention inside him, just as the last time he heard it. Shadows moved almost fluently towards them, the flames from the fire catching the first glimpse of the two figures. Tuck walked slowly ahead, his eyes on Evelyn and a pained expression plain on his face as he shook his head slowly, he mouthed a silent apology to her that cause her to flinch.

Right behind Tuck the young tranquil made her way toward them. A child clung to her, the tranquil arms wrapped around the child protectively. A little girl looking no older then six seasons old, Anders noted. Curly blond hair hung in strings around her face, and seemed to shimmer in the low light of the fire. Anders could see the childs baleful eyes dart fearfully around the little camp.

"She awoke crying for you, I believe it was another nightmare. I could not settle her, I am sorry Evelyn." The tranquil chimed, the sobs from the child turned into soft whimpers.

Anders watched the silent exchange between the two, Evelyn's expression was pained as she held her arms open, offering to take the child, but exchanged no words, just a silent understanding. The tranquil's eyes flitted from Anders to Evelyn while leaning down and letting the child slide from her arms into Evelyn's. The child made a sobbing squeak, grabbing desperately onto Eveyln's chest, her body shuddered as the quiet sobs grew more pronounced.

"Shhh, Leigh, hush now, little mouse. I'll have none of that." Evelyn scolded softly, but her voice held no Ire as she gently rubbed the child's back in small soothing circles.

"I am sorry Evelyn, I did not know what else to do."

"It's fine Compassion, you're here now. You might as well stay." she said, her tone was flat, but her expression spoke volumes refusing to look at the tranquil. Anders wondered why she held so much contempt for the young tranquil, it seemed strange to him to hold so much dislike for her spirit of Compassion or not.

The child's sobs slowly stopped but an occasional sobbing hiccup, her breathing slowed. Her head resting on Evelyn's shoulder, but her eyes now held Anders', big bright blue orbs stared into his amber. She was a striking child, her small round face and blond curls, she reminding Anders of the dolls that the young girls carried with them in Kirkwall.

"You're the screaming man." She whispered, it was not a question. Reaching a small hand out, she grasped a hold of a corner of his blanket, pinching one of the loose threads between her fingers.

"I am?" he questioned, confused.

The child nodded, rubbing her runny nose on Evelyn's shoulder. Evelyn sighed and chuckled as she gently ran her fingers through the child's tangled curls.

"Yeah, Arian said you were a dead man." Her eyes widened, pulling away tucking her hand under her chin, "Your not dead, are you?" her voice squeaked.

Anders chuckled, shaking his head slowly. "No, I'm not dead. Your Mother fixed me right up, she's a very talented healer."

Evelyn's body went rigged, she sputtered. "Uhh..."

"Eve, isn't my mother," the child scolded Anders. Her little voice was stern. "My Mama is dead. Eve saved me. She takes care of us and keeps us safe." Tears filling the young girls eyes again. hiding her face in Evelyn's chest.

Anders' felt his heart sink, cursing under his breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Evelyn gave him a weak smile. "It's alright, I think we've all been affected by the templars in one way or another." she said softly, squeezing the child tightly against her.

"Can I sleep here with you Eve, please... I don't want the bad dreams to come back." she mumbled into the fabric of her shirt.

"No mouse, you can't. I'm sorry, little-one." she sighed, pushing her back and gently, sitting her upright onto her lap.

Leigh's eyes were glassy, jutting out her bottom lip pouting. "Please?" she begged.

Evelyn chuckled, shaking her head, "Not a chance, and you know better then to even ask."

"Why not just for this one night, Eve, what could it hurt?" Tuck questioned her, frowning.

Evelyn shot Tuck a icey glare, "She can't be dependent on me, too many bad things happen especially to mages, and you know it, Tuck. She needs to be able to survive without me."

"What's one night? Where's the damage in that?" Tuck retorted.

"It will start with just being one night, then two, three, and next thing you know she won't be able to sleep without me. No, I will not have that, she needs to learn to sleep alone."

"That seems harsh, even for you, Evelyn, have you grown so cold hearted in such a short time?" Compassion said, standing by the fire, staring at her.

Anders watched the interaction with interest, it felt awkward he didn't know these people, yet there was a familiarity they had that he longed for. Part of him agreed with Tuck, the child was scared, she searched for comfort from the ones she trusted. He also understood Evelyn's side, especially after what he did, the danger to mages were greater than ever now, regret reared up again there was nothing he could do to change what he did.

Evelyn sighed ignoring the tranquils gabs at her, lifting up Leigh up in her arms and turning her around on her lap, facing the child with her back to her, pulling her against her chest resting her chin on Leigh's shoulder, wrapping her armed loosely around her.

"Have you been practicing?" Evelyn asked.

Leigh nodded, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Show me." she whispered softly.

Anders watched, enraptured, with the interaction between them. He watched the child's brow furrow in concentration, holding out her plump little hand, palm up. She stared at it, focused as a pale green light flickered in her palm briefly before dying out in a puff of green smoke. She squeaked in frustration, that made Evelyn chuckle.

"You're trying too hard, here, try doing it like this." Evelyn held her hand out in front of the child, a greenish mist swirled slowly at first, rolling around becoming brighter lighting her palm, the light flickered and glowed elevating slowly from her hand, hovering in the air.

The wisp moved lazily around the child, flickering green light danced across her face, all the fear from earlier seemed to be quickly forgotten as Leigh's eyes lit up in wonder. "Now, you practice this for me alright?"

"It's hard..." Leigh pouted. "I can't do it."

Evelyn chuckled, hugging her affectionately. "Nonsense, you can do it, just keep practicing. Then when you wake at night scared, you can always have a light to chase away the dark."

Leigh let out a small sigh and nodded, blond curls falling in her eyes. "Alright." she said, pushing the hair from her face, she began to squirm away from Evelyn's hold on her.

"I think it's time you let Compassion take you back to bed, don't you think? It will be dawn soon."

"Okay," Leigh sighed softly, she stood as her gaze flickered from Evelyn to Anders then back again.

Before Anders realized what was happening the child flung herself at him, his body rocked back slightly grunting in pain. She clung to him her little fists twisting into the blankets as she hugged him tightly. He stared down at the child, wide-eyed in shock then at Evelyn. This night just kept getting stranger. Evelyn's expression was more of annoyance, shaking her head looking at the child.

"I'm glad you're not dead." Leigh mumbled into the blanket and hugged him tighter.

"Ahh, yes... so am I." He said, awkwardly patting the child lightly on the back.

Anders always liked children, their innocence and trust always amazed him. He had always wanted to have a child of his own, but sadly that was never meant to be it seemed. The Maker seemed to like teasing him with these things, everything he longed for but could never have. It served him right for wanting it in the first place.

"Mouse, what have I told you about hugging strangers?" Evelyn asked in a nurturing tone.

Leigh released her hold on the blankets pushing herself back to her feet wobbling a bit as she did so, Anders reached out to steady the child. She smiled at him sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"It's alright, I needed a hug." Anders smiled at the little girl, and she beamed, clasping her hands in front of her, giggling.

Leaning forward Leigh whispered, "Tell your spirit not to worry, Eve will protect us." her little face lit up with a grin.

He could hear both Evelyn and Tuck groan, he stared wide eyed at the child. How did she know about Justice, had he really become that transparent? As he started to speak, Evelyn interrupted.

"She has a sensitive connection to the Fade, she can sense spirits. She did the same thing to me." Evelyn remarked, "That's more than enough from you tonight, Mouse. Now off with you and get some sleep we have a early day tomorrow."

Almost as if by cue, Compassion scooped the giggling child up into her arms, "Thank you, Evelyn, I do appreciate your help. I know how hard this is for you. I do not wish you any more distress."

Evelyn waved an arm shooing them away, but refused to look at Compassion, instead she looked to Tuck. "You too, go get some sleep."

Tuck grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes. "Fine, but you promise me that you'll get some sleep too. I'll be up here first thing, to make sure you eat something." he scolded.

"Fine, fine just go... really, Tuck, you sound just like a mother hen."

"I wouldn't have to if you would just listen to me."

"Look how well that's worked for you so far." she smirked.

"Yes, so it would seem. That's still not going to stop me from trying, and if that doesn't work, I'll just have to make you."

" Shallow threats, I highly doubt you would follow through on them."

Tuck stood up in a huff shaking his head, "We'll see, Eve," He said, stalking back towards the camp.

Compassion stared at Evelyn, holding the child close with a conflicted expression, sighing as she turned her attention to Anders. "We will talk more tomorrow, Brother. I am relived that you still live." She said, before Anders could respond she turned away and followed the worn path that Tuck had taken just a moment before, leaving them alone in the silence of the night.

Anders suddenly became very aware of the woman sitting beside him, now that the others were gone, it was an uncomfortable silence that washed over them. There was so much to ask her, but how to ask it. Justice pushed his questions forward clearly. How did she separate from the spirit? He had been sure it was impossible, and how did she manage to get the spirit into a Tranquil?

The silence continued as the both stared into the dying fire, the freezing air became too much to stand. It was Evelyn who broke the uncomfortable silence and he was grateful.

"I'm sure you have questions." She remarked.

"A lot of them really, it's pretty unbelievable."

She nodded pushing off the bedroll, she got up to add more wood to the fire, he watched her and wondered what had happened to her. What made her from what he could tell she was collecting apostates, it was a strange thing to do amongst everything else going on.

"It's dangerous." She said, turning to face him once the logs were placed on the fire, her arms folded across her chest. "The spell to separate you both."

"What isn't dangerous when it comes to magic."

"True enough. It's an ancient magical ritual."

His eyes narrowed, frustration threatened to take him over. "Ancient magic... You're a blood mage aren't you?" His tone full of digest at the thought of anyone using blood magic as a means to a end, was no excuse and anyone he met that was a blood mage always met with a fate worse than death.

She seemed taken aback by his accusation, she scowled. "Just because I was considered by others to be an Abomination, does not make me a blood mage. I would figure that if anyone would understand what it was like it would be you, seeing that you are in the same predicament I was in a few short months ago." she spat.

"I-I'm sorry, you're right, I do understand what it's like. I should not have just assumed. When I hear people go on about old magic I think..."

"Blood magic, yes, I figured that from your wonderful assumption of me. I should have known." she growled waving her hands in the air, stalking over and grabbing her thin ratty blanket off the ground beside him, she made a spot for herself near the fire but away from Anders.

She sighed a heavy sigh and continued before he could blurt out anymore nonsense. "I met an apostate a long time ago, shortly after Compassion and I were merged. He helped hide Lucy and I hide from the templars."

"Lucy?"

"My younger sister."

"Oh... I heard Tuck mention her, is she?"

"I don't want to talk about Lucy."

"Sorry."

"Just... not right now." She said, staring off as the flames of the fire danced before her,. "Maybe it would be best if we talk about this tomorrow, we have a long day ahead of us you need your rest to heal... Sleep well Anders." She said, ending the conversation short.

The longer Anders sat there he realized just how much his body still hurt, he knew she was right. He was still tired, and even with Justice's insistent push to ask more questions now, Anders ignored it. Sleep was what they both needed right now. Anders watched her trembling. Unsure if it was, from the cold or unwanted memories that were brought up, she looked worn, exhausted and disheveled. Even in the dull light of the fire.

The healer in him took over, as concern for her well-being took control of his thoughts. She looked way too thin from what he could tell from the dim light of the fire, remembering the worried concern of Tuck as the elf scolded her endlessly. Tuck said that she hadn't been eating. Anders wondered if she gave him her own food when he first woke. The Elf seemed quiet aggravated by it and this worried him a little, silently vowing to keep an eye on her. It seemed the least Anders could do for her after they saved his life.

Anders frowned seeing how she held the thin blanket around her tightly. The fabric of the blanket was thin and full of holes, yet the two that were wrapped around him were thick and still in good condition. As she laid back on the cold ground shivering , Anders realized she gave up not only her blankets but her bed roll as well.

"This is your bedroll, and blankets."

"You're observant," she chuckled.

"You should have them, I don't want take what's yours."

"Go to sleep, Anders."

"No, it's not right, you've already done enough for me. I will not have you laying on the ground, and freeze when you have perfectly good blankets here that belong to you."

Evelyn sighed. "You're not fully healed, you need rest. I appreciate your concern, I will be fine for one night. I will get you, your own bedroll and blankets tomorrow. Now please, be quiet and get some sleep."

"At least take one of the blankets, I would feel better knowing I'm not going to wake up only to find you frozen half to death."

"Anders, if you don't go to sleep I'll just have to cast a sleep spell on you, then you wont have a choice. I'm already worn out as it is, and would much rather not have to resort to that." she grumbled.

"Fine..."

"Sleep well, Anders."

"You too."

As Anders laid back, his whole body started to ache once more, wishing he could recall what Justice had done when he took control of his body. At first, when Justice took control, Anders would have complete blackouts,never knowing what happened, but he got used to them over the years and slowly became aware of everything going on around him as their connection grew stronger. This was the first time in a long time that he had complete memory loss. It was an uncomfortable feeling not knowing.

Hearing her shift in her sleep, he turned around and watched her, such a interesting woman she seemed to be pretty and kind, but of course there was no way of really telling, seeing as it was the middle of the night and he had only gotten to know her a few short hours earlier. She slept near the fire curled up into a tight ball. She rolled around restlessly mumbling, he knew that feeling all too well. Was it the spirit that caused her so much turmoil or was it because they were apostates on the run? There was a kinship between them he could sense it, a silent understanding of each other. He wondered what would become of that kinship once she found out what he had done. He was sure they would either kill him or turn him over to the templars and he deserved no less after all that he had done. A part of him could only hope that she would understand why he did what he did.

His eyes getting heavy and sleep was slowly closing in, he gave in to it. He thought it might be better if he told her everything up front, rather than waiting for her to find out on her own. Finally losing the battle trying to stay awake, Anders let himself slip into the into the Fade.

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><p><strong><em>AN: I would love to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted and PMed me. You're all so very wonderful and I thank you all dearly. I love to hear peoples thoughts. _**

**_And BIG thanks you my best friend Jinx1983, for doing the beta work on this chapter, and letting me kidnap her for the day. Without her I would have stopped writing long ago. I thank you my friend you are very dear to me._**


	4. Evelyn  Chapter 4

When Life Takes Hold  
>Chapter 4<br>Evelyn

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><p>War isn't always about who's right,<br>sometimes it's about just surviving to see the sun.

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><p>The nightmares were back. Hunting her again, stalking her the very moment she slipped into the fade. Demonic and misshapen, everything she deeply desired, unfolding, taunting. Undying promises of things she could never have, no matter how badly they were wanted. Forced to endure visions of flesh being peeled away, strip by strip from those she loved, their screams jarred her awake, panting and drenched in sweat. Those haunting screams still ringing in her ears.<p>

When Evelyn and Compassion were one, the demons no longer came, no more whispers or promises. Now she couldn't keep them away, she'd become a beacon to them. They were drawn to her three and four at a time, trying to break her, make her give in. There was also an odd darkness that loomed at the edges of her mind, watching. Every time she thought she was close to making sense of it, it skittered off, leaving her bewildered. Being a mage, the demons always came, forever whispering, forever offering things that they knew were in your heart. Then if that didn't work, they would torture you with your greatest fears, anything that may wear a mage down, make them break. Her mother had taught her well though. Never give into them, no matter what they offered to give or take away, a mage had to stay strong and ever vigilant. She just hoped she could be.

The nightmare had been too much, and sleeping was useless at this point. Her body was aching and stiff from sleeping on the bare ground. Evelyn's whole body trembled as she sat up and sucked in a deep shaky breath in an attempt to ease her nerves, the nightmare still fresh in her mind.

The sun had just begun to rise, the hints of red and orange glowed along the horizon over the Waking sea. That would mean she had managed to endure about three hours sleep, better than most nights, when she was lucky to get only one or two hours at the most. She had to do something about this soon, her body was becoming worn, it was becoming dangerous not only to herself, but for the others as well. If she couldn't get a handle on it soon, she would have to leave and strike out on her own. She hoped it wouldn't come to that.

Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Evelyn watched Anders sleeping soundly, his body curled up into a tight ball. Her blankets were wrapped tightly around him, only the shadows of his face peeking out of a small opening. A smile played at the corners of her mouth, he seemed so peaceful. He reminded her of a child wrapped tightly in the warmth and security of a treasured blanket. He was lucky they'd come across him when they did, any longer and she doubted she could have saved him.

Her stomach growled painfully which made her wince. That was fast becoming a problem for her as well and it wasn't like she didn't want to eat. Evelyn found that every time she tried, she would become doubled over in pain. She had tried healing, even though there had been nothing to heal, then herbs, tinctures, everything she could think of and all yielded little success. Everything was coming to a head, she could feel it. Her body and her mind could not take much more.

The fire had died down and Evelyn got to her feet. It was another day, and she would push forward like she always did. Adding more wood to the fire, the small flames slowly started to burn brighter. The dry branches snapped and popped as the fire came back to life as she quietly rummaged through her pack, pulling out an old metal pot. Inside was a package of dried oats wrapped up tight in a leather buck skin satchel. She hated the stuff, but it was the only thing she could really eat now, and she needed all the strength she could muster. Tuck would be up soon and nosing around so she thought if she had some food ready, it would hopefully set his mind at ease. There was no reason to worry him, not yet anyways. She hoped she would never have too.

Crouching down beside the fire, Evelyn began to work. It was a trick her mother had taught her when she was very young, she'd said it was one that every apostate should know. With her hand hovering over the old metal pot, her fingers begin to glow and a soft blue haze enveloped it as Evelyn began to chant softly under her breath, gently slipping into the fade. Just a touch of magic for such a simple spell. Snow formed at the tips of her fingers, the blue haze began swirling, lazily directing a small blizzard into the small pot. She smirked when it was full and hooked the now slush filled pot onto the makeshift rack above the crackling flames.

The slush melted quickly and the water was quick to boil. Dumping the last of the oats into the boiling water, her mind wandered idly as it boiled. When it was ready, she reached to remove the pot, and the fire flared, licking up and catching Evelyn on her hand.

"Ah, shit." she cursed, yanking her hand sharply back from the fire. Rocking back on her heels, Evelyn pressed her hand tightly against her chest, hissing through clenched teeth. Slowly she pulled her hand back and she groaned at the large blisters that had started to bubble up on the palm of her hand.

"All mighty elemental mage, who burns herself while trying to make porridge - wonderful," she murmured.

"I think it's the food you're supposed to be cooking, not yourself."

Startled, Evelyn teetered backwards, losing her balance and landing on the ground. Gasping for breath, "Yer awake," she stuttered wide eyed, in a futile attempt to compose herself.

"Yes, well I'm always up with the sun it seems." Anders grunted, pushing himself up off the ground, carefully steadying himself.

Evelyn watched as Anders walked carefully to kneel at her side. His hazel eyes met hers, filled with genuine concern. Gently reaching out, he took her injured hand, his eyes still gauging her reaction.

Her stomach fluttered as his light touch raised goose bumps on her arm. This was a feeling she hadn't felt in a very long time. It wasn't only his touch, he was an extremely handsome man, even more so in the light of day. It had been far too long since she had let anyone touch her. Evelyn watched as Anders pulled her trembling, injured hand into his lap.

"That looks painful," he said, continuing to frown.

"Aye, cooking isn't my strong point." she hissed, clenching her teeth, as he lightly brushed a finger over one of the blisters, examining each one carefully. She hissed again, as a sharp pain shot up through her fingers.

"Obviously," he said, smirking at her.

Anders hand hovered over the injury and blue light began to shimmer; she felt the coolness of the healing energy flowing from him into her injured hand. His magic was soothing, it had seemed like forever since she had been healed by somebody other than herself. Normally she would never have let anyone heal her, as there were few people she would've trusted enough to do so. Yet she felt she could trust him. With him near, there were complex feelings, like a pulling or drawing. It wasn't a bad feeling, it felt safe yet strange.

Evelyn had always been fascinated watching other mages heal, each touch of magic was different. Some were light, soft like a feather, others were harsher, more abrasive making the healing sometimes more painful than the the wound itself. Anders' healing touch felt cool and calming and she took comfort in it. It reminded her of her mother when she would heal. As a child she would often watch her mother healing people, she had been an exceptional spirit healer. No matter how hard Evelyn tried, she could never be half the healer her mother had been. Her own gifts lay in the elements and force, but she was still more skilled than most mages, and she had her mother to thank for that.

Anders lightly brushed over the slowly receding blisters, the pain had now reduced to a dull ache.

"Do you have a poultice? I would feel better if this was bandaged."

"Aye, in my pack," and she motioned near her bedroll. "I always try to keep a few handy. You never know when you're going to need them."

Anders nodded and stood up stiffly, his knees popping. The sound made her cringe as she watched him go and begin picking through her pack. He removed random items, setting them aside to continue his search.

Evelyn stared down at her hand again, running her fingers lightly over the mostly healed blisters. Aggravation set in as she cursed herself, '_Were things ever going to get easier?_' She seriously doubted it and let out a soft sigh, not realizing that Anders had returned to kneel in front of her. He placed his hands on her knees and she felt the weight of his gaze. Evelyn glanced up and forced a weary smile.

"Are you alright, Evelyn?" Anders asked. His voice was low, and full of genuine concern.

She nodded wordlessly in reassurance. He watched her a moment longer, cocking an eyebrow then slowly, Anders extended out his hand, silently asking for hers instead of simply taking it. Normally she would have refused any offer of help, but to her surprise at feeling no reluctance, she gave her injured hand over..

This feeling of being drawn to him was unnerving Evelyn. His hands were cool and felt … safe. He tended to her as if it came naturally to him, like the way her mother had tended to the people that came to see her. There was a look of pure peace in those golden eyes and she became mesmerized, watching him as he carefully applied the poultice and finished wrapping her hand up with expert ease.

Once finished, he leaned back to admire his work and grinned. "There you go, all better."

"Thanks," Evelyn replied, taking back her hand and looking over his work.

"No thanks needed." He smiled as he stood up and made his way back to her pack and repacked it with the leftover materials.

"You do good work," she complimented. "You have the same look Mother used to, when she would heal."

"Your Mother was a mage?" he asked in surprise.

"How many healers do you know that weren't?" she replied with a slight smile.

"Sorry, silly question" he said, mentally kicking himself. He gathered the wooden carved bowls and spoons he found in her pack, and began to dish out the cooked oats, offering her one of the steaming bowls of mash.

Taking a bowl from Anders as he sat beside her, she relented. "Aye, she was and a good one at that. She taught Lucy and I everything we know about magic." She spoke fondly at the memory of her Mother, while balancing the bowl on her lap. As she stared down at the thick paste, she could feel the ghost pains prickling in her stomach.

"You were an apostate?"

"Still am last time I checked," she chuckled, looking up at him with a mischievous smirk.

"No, no, I mean when you were a child."

"Oh aye, of course, I forgot all circle mages raise children," her grin widened.

"Are you making fun of me?" he questioned, eyebrow raised as he tried to fight back his own smile.

"Who me? Never, what makes you think I'd do something like that?"

"I'm on to you. I've seen how evil you can be."

"Oh, you have no idea, '_how evil I can be'_."

"Honey, you would be surprised what kind of ideas I can come up with."

"Oh aye? Do tell," she purred.

Anders expression grew serious. She knew that look, the distant internal struggle, the silent arguments. She knew it all too well.

"They just don't get it," she said, placing her bowl on the ground, untouched.

"What? Sorry I didn't mean..."

Evelyn waved her hand dismissively, "It's alright. They just don't understand human nature."

"No, they really don't do they. Was it like this for you? Everything you try and do is always harshly disapproved of, as if everything you did before was wrong."

"Aye, it was worse for me in some ways. I couldn't walk by a wounded animal without Compassion screaming in my head to stop and help. Even when we were running for our lives, if I refused, she wouldn't let me sleep for days... it became frustrating."

"Wow, I… don't know what to say. Justice just tells me I'm being selfish. Anything that wasn't to do with the mages plight was a distraction and should be avoided," Anders sighed.

"They are good at making you feel guilty about the things _they_ think you should feel guilty about."

To Evelyn's surprise, she was enjoying this. Talking to him was comfortable. It was easy in a way, as if she knew him or part of him at least. The more they talked the more she could feel the pull, making her wonder if it had something to do with him, or with Justice. Then again, she could just be over thinking it and they just fit together comfortably.

"That's true, I never really thought about it that way before." Anders said thoughtfully.

A comfortable silence settled between them. Anders finished his bowl before diving in for seconds and Evelyn thought the man must have been truly starved before the they had found him.

"We were," she said suddenly, breaking the quiet that had surrounded them. Her stomach turned as she watched him inhaling the mash.

Anders paused, looking at her quizzically as he absently finished his mouth full of food before echoing her in confusion. "Were?"

"Apostates... My Mother was from the Circle in Starkhaven. She was lucky to get away from there."

"You're from Starkhaven then? I thought I recognized the accent, I knew someone from there once."

"Aye, everyone knows someone from Starkhaven, it is the biggest city in the Free Marches," She said with a proud smile. She picked up her untouched food again and slowly stirred the thick paste in the bowl.

"So were you also part of the Circle in Starkhaven? I thought it burned down?"

Evelyn shifted uncomfortably, "Ah, well... you see, about that," her voice cracked nervously, "It did... burn down that is"

"Where you there when it happened?"

"Aye, I was..."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to tell me, I understand."

"Nae, it's fine, really. It's not like it's a secret... eh, I was kind of the reason it burned down. Well, Compassion was the one who did it."

"WHAT?" Anders gasped, staring at her, a mixture of awe and horror etched across his face. "How? what? You lived in the circle with the Spirit inside you, and the Templars didn't catch on?"

Chuckling, she shook head, "They are pretty clueless. Compassion and I had been sharing a body for three years or so prior to my capture. She has learned some sense of composure since then thankfully." She paused taking in a shaky breath before taking a bite of the oat mash, flinching at the small stabbing pain as the food hit her stomach.

Seemingly oblivious to her pain, Anders shook his head, "That's... something. What about Decimus? I had heard it was he that started the fire."

"You knew Decimus?" Evelyn snapped, her voice thick with loathing.

"I didn't really know him, I was there when he was killed though."

"They followed him the fools," she spat on the ground, "the whole lot of them. They said they felt safer going with a blood mage instead of an abomination. Thought I would turn on them and that bitch Grace, spewing garbage about how I would kill them all in their sleep."

"It's not your fault, you do realize that don't you? Most people don't understand the difference between a Demon and a Spirit. Even mages can be pretty clueless."

"I know that. Tuck, Clare, and a few of the children were the only ones that I could get to come with me. Decimus wouldn't take any of the children with them, he said to leave them to die because it would only slow them down. Then I had to drag Lucy out. Newly made Tranquil are confused for a while and she didn't have a clue what was going on."

"They made your sister Tranquil?" Anders was now gawking at her in disbelief and a dawning realisation. From his expression, she knew he had figured out that the spirit now resided in her sisters body.

Evelyn frowned and stared down at her hands wrapped round her bowl, her mind flooded with memories of that day. The dead look in her little sister's eyes, the one person she had sworn to protect with her life was now... lost to her, just an empty shell of herself. "Aye they did, and it was because of me that they made her Tranquil."

"Saying sorry sounds hollow, but for what it's worth I am sorry for what happened. I don't understand though, why would something you did, make them turn her Tranquil?"

"There was a Templar. He was one of the three that captured me in fact. They got lucky," She sneered. "One of them, Ser Ramsey, became somewhat... obsessed with me it would seem. Anyway, he discovered that I harbored a spirit and to him this was no different then a demon, yet he could not bring himself to kill me. Lucy received my punishment instead, and was brought to me already Tranquil. That's when all hell broke loose and... I don't remember much. Compassion took over and I couldn't stop her."

Evelyn could feel his eyes on her but she could not bring herself to return his gaze. She did not want to see the judgment in those amber eyes, to see what she always felt. So many had died in that fire, so many innocent lives snuffed out in a heartbeat. All because she couldn't keep that damn spirit under control, because she couldn't keep herself in control. For the second time in her life, she had lost everything to cinder and ash.

Anders reached out and touched her cheek and even though she flinched at the contact, her reaction didn't stop him slipping his fingers under her chin, tugging her face to face his. Evelyn was stunned. His expression was not one that she expected. Instead of disappointment and disgust, kindness and understanding stared back at her. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, his eyes reminding her of liquid honey and she had a sudden urge to lean into him.

"It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself for this, it was nothing you could control." His voice was low and husky, the sound sending a shiver up her spine. Her throat felt dry and her mind just a jumble as words failed her.

"I... I... uhh..."

"Eve!"

A blonde streak darted towards them, plowing into Evelyn and knocking her backwards to the ground with a muffled hmph. As the child clung tightly to her shift, Evelyn's eyes widened with surprise as a laughing Tuck came sauntering up the worn path towards them.

"Mouse, what are you doing child?" Evelyn groaned, while attempting to pry little fingers from her shift.

"Can we go? Please, you promised we could go in the morning before it got too hot, please, please," the child begged.

"Aye, all right, all right, just get off me, lass," Evelyn sputtered, trying to disengage herself from the tangle of arms and legs.

"She wouldn't leave me alone once she found out I was coming up to check on you."

"Checking up on me?" Evelyn raised an eyebrow.

"I said I would," Tuck said, a little defensively but with a smile.

Evelyn sighed and shrugged, "So you have."

Tuck glanced around Evelyn's small refuge, his grin widening "You made food?" A hint of relief was in his tone before he turned to question Anders. "Did she eat?"

"TUCKER! Will you give it a rest, you daft Elf," Evelyn spat.

Tuck's smile faltered, the worry seeping back in and he stared at Anders as if waiting for him to say something to his defence. Anders looked back at him shifting uncomfortably.

Tuck sighed, "Fine, whatever Evelyn, do what you want," he growled back at her, folding his arms tightly at his chest.

"Eve, your hurt," Leigh spoke, her voice small. Tucks eyes flashed to her bandaged hand that Leigh now held gently in her tiny hands.

Taking two long strides towards them, Tuck knelt beside Evelyn, all the anger draining from his face.

"What happened?" he asked, reaching out to take the bandaged hand from Leigh.

Evelyn pulled back, balking at everyone being too close, "I'm fine, I just burned myself making the food is all."

"Well no surprise there then, let me see it, Eve," Tuck said trying for a light-hearted tone.

"Nae, it's fine really, Anders already healed it. Fixed it all up for me, now back off Tuck and let me breath for two seconds," Evelyn grumbled, getting to her feet and pulling Leigh up with her.

Tuck glared at Anders, a flash of jealously etched across his face, and Anders stared back with a look of calm reason. This could become a problem Evelyn realized. Tuck had never been the jealous type but since he had started to become more bold in his pursuit for her affections, it was becoming clear he was now feeling a little possessive. The tension in the air was thick and she would need to defuse it.

Evelyn held out her uninjured hand to Anders. "Let's go get ready, I have a promise to keep," she said, as an excited Leigh squeaked behind her.

"I'm going to go tell Arian," Leigh squealed and darted off down the path towards the camp.

Anders took Evelyn's hand letting her pull him up to his feet and he smiled gratefully to be out of Tuck's glare. "Where are we going?" Anders questioned, while brushing the dust and dirt off his breeches.

"We are heading down to the shore, all of us, before the sun gets too high."

"The shore? What's there that would warrant an entire group of mages to go down to the water and out in the open?" he asked in surprise.

"Fun, relaxation, time to enjoy yourself and let loose a little, and it's not all mages you know, we have families among us as well," she grinned at him.

"Are you crazy? There's Templars and bandits all over the coast and you want to go play in the water?" Anders almost shouted.

"Aye, that's exactly what we are doing Anders, it's safe, don't worry. We have scouts and wards all over the place. We are going down there to remind ourselves what we are fighting for. The joy to let loose and the freedom to be together with as little fear as possible. To make choices for ourselves instead of having a Templar or anyone else making them for us. Now if you don't mind, I would much rather not go play in my sleep wear." Turning on her heel, Evelyn grabbed her pack and stalked off while she went to find a place to change in peace, leaving behind a confused Anders and a laughing Tuck.

"Is she always like that?" Anders asked the grinning elf.

"Not always... wait who am I kidding... yeah... pretty much," Tuck chuckled, "Don't worry, she's mostly bark, not a lot of bite."

"Are you really going to go to play down there?"

"Yep, and so are you, so I would advise you to go and get ready too."

"Uh no, I think it best if I just stick around camp."

"Do you really think Evelyn will let you? She'll likely grab you by the hair and drag you down there kicking and screaming."

"I HEARD THAT!" Evelyn's voice echoed out from the bushes behind them.

Tuck snickered, "I would hurry up, she's not known for her patience."

"Y-yeah, she kind of gives that impression doesn't she."

"That she does, well I'm going to head back, and help Compassion with the kids, see you down there."

"You trust a spirit with the children?"

"Compassion doesn't really give you much of a choice when it comes to the children. She kind of takes over."

"Oh..."

"She's always loved the children, they like her too so it works."

Evelyn stepped out from the brush, wearing a light pair of pants and a thin shirt. Tuck gave her a slight wave before turning and heading back towards the main camp.

"Are you coming dressed like that?" she asked.

"Uh, about that, I think I should just stay..."

"You're coming." She glared at Anders, her arms crossed tightly to her chest.

"Fine, alright I wont argue. Just so you know, I still think this is a bad idea. I umm, don't exactly have anything else to wear though"

Evelyn smiled, "Objection noted, now lets go, I'm sure one of the men down at the main camp will have something you can borrow" she chuckled.

It was going to be a long day she was sure as Anders sighed and followed her. As they walked slowly together down the winding path she could see his eyes widen in shock. Scattered all over a large rocky clearing were over twenty tents, and people... there had to be at least thirty people milling around doing different chores. Some were washing and mending clothing while others mended gear and weapons. People smiled and waved as the passing pair reached the camp.

"This is pretty amazing, how does a group of mages so large get by without the Templars knowing?" Anders said in amazement.

"We stay in one place no longer than a week and we have scouts out at all times. We plan out our next move."

"Like the Dailsh?"

Evelyn shrugged and waggled her hand. "Sort of. Things have gotten more difficult after what happened in Kirkwall and I'm not really sure how to proceed. Templars are everywhere and that makes it more complicated."

"And yet you want to risk everyone to go play down at the beach?" Anders shook his head at the foolishness.

"You'll understand soon enough," she said with a smile. "Maybe you can help me with it?"

Anders raised an eyebrow and looked at her, "With what?"

"What we should do next. I have a few ideas but I could really use an extra mind in this and you seem more then capable."

"I don't know how much help I can be," he said ruefully.

"I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit, Anders, you've been an Apostate for how long?" she stopped walking and looked at him seriously.

He pause for a few moments before speaking. "A long time."

"That's what we need, someone who can think outside the box. They are your family now too and we do what we can protect them" she smiled, nudging him gently with her shoulder. "Come on, lets see if we can get you some clothes to play in."

Evelyn smiled and made sure he was following her as she made her way through the camp, waving and returning warm greetings. In short order, she'd borrowed pants and a shirt for Anders and he took up the offer of changing in private.

As she waited for him, she looked around at all the different people she had come to regard as her family, those she loved and would do anything for. Everyone who followed her, here and now, were the reason she would fight until her last breath.

* * *

><p>AN: Phew, this chapter was TOUGH, I apologize for taking so long for the lateness of this update. it took a lot out of me. Now here's a BIG HUGE thanks to my wonderful Betaing awesomeness ~ ArcturasB and RandomWittering for helping me so much with this chapter, I was on the verg of giving up on this. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Truly.

AND Special thank you to Jinkx1983 for being you and being my rock to lean on and kicking me when I was ready to give up on this whole thing. Thank you my friend, you mean the world to me.

I want to thank ALL my readers, reviews I LOVE to hear from you all! So don't be shy, I don't bite much. ;) I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and the next one, will be up sooner then a month I promise. lol


	5. Anders Chapter 5

When Life Takes Hold:  
>Chapter 5<p>

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><p>It all comes down to the beginning of the end,<br>what you do in the middle is all that matters

* * *

><p>Anders knew he shouldn't have been watching her. Justice disapproved of it, muttering something about being inappropriate. Since when was watching someone cook inappropriate? He tried to argue the point but Justice just ignored his arguments, nothing new there. Sure, she didn't know he was awake or watching her, but he really didn't feel like moving right then since he still ached all over. At least this way he could watch her and maybe learn something about her.<p>

Justice scoffed at that and wondered what Anders could possibly learn by staring at her backside. Anders had to admit she had a very nice backside, and front side for that matter. Who was he kidding, she was very easy on the eyes all over. Justice disapproved of that thought too. Of course he did, the spirit did the same thing when he thought Hawke was attractive too, and that turned out to be a disaster.

She seemed to be all thumbs, Anders mused as he watched her fumble with the pot, hearing her cursing under her breath as the flames surged up, catching her hand. That got his attention and he quickly rose and went to her aid. Even Justice's stopped his tirade and voiced his concern for her.

"_**She helped us, we need to help her."**_

"_What do you think I'm doing, I'm not about to let her sit there injured."_

Touching her was nice, the feel of her soft skin, and she smelled like wild berries mixed with the sea. She looked nervous when he took her hand, even flinched slightly. It must have been the pain. It was a really bad burn and was satisfied as she relaxed when he healed her. Evelyn watched him, transfixed, as he cast his magic on her. Anders watched her out of the corner of his eye and was surprised when she opened up to him. Their chatting started with a playful banter then turned to open flirting. Justice quickly scolded him but Anders was unable to help himself.

"_**You should not talk to her like that, she is injured, have some respect."**_

"_She's not dying, and she started it."_

"_**That does not matter, you still should not lead her on when nothing can come of it."**_

"_Hey, I'm not leading her on... you know what, never mind."_

Evelyn had seen the conflict and understood, she talked about how things were for her with Compassion, things that made him glad that Justice wasn't quite that neurotic. Her accent reminded him of Sebastian and the rage the man had for what Anders had done. The guilt was back and it felt like it would swallow him whole. He should tell her but he wasn't sure if he could.

He was surprised to learn that she had come from the Starkhaven circle. She talked about what had happened to her sister and the crazed Templar. He could tell there was more to it than she was telling him, but wouldn't press her about it. Her words began to slowly click into place in his mind. Evelyn and the Tranquil had the same eyes even though Evelyn's were a more brilliant shade of green, like lush grass in the summer.

They had the same small nose that turned up ever so slightly at the tip, that looked utterly adorable when something made her wrinkle her nose. The similarities were unmistakable, he could not believe he had missed it. Lucy was younger, of that there was no doubt, maybe four years between them in his estimation. Far too young for one to be turned tranquil even though it happened more often then it should. Justice flared in anger at the thought of the injustice that had been done, not only to Lucy but to Evelyn. That Templar had damaged them both.

Then there was the pull he felt when he was near Evelyn. It reminded him of the feeling when a Warden was near, but not the same. The Wardens pull was like fire licking at your blood, uncomfortable and slightly unsettling. This pull was warm, almost soft. Drawing him in, making him feel the need to be closer and to stay near her. When he looked at her, she looked ashamed. She blamed herself for what Compassion did to the Starkhaven circle. He understood that feeling, after what he did to the Chantry. All those lives lost, the guilt he carried about it could be overwhelming. Justice settled down again.

"_**I am sorry Anders, we did what had to be done."**_

"_I know... it doesn't mean I don't have regrets."_

Anders understood her pain, but as far as he could see, she was not to blame. She was the victim of her emotions and the fire was the Templars fault, not hers. Yet she still blamed herself for something she had no control over.

He touched her cheek, and Justice withdrew allowing Anders to comfort her. She flinched but he persisted. The pull was strongest when he touched her. Sliding his fingers under her chin, he needed her to see and to understand that she was not to blame. Those eyes, Maker, they were such a beautiful shade of green, and every fiber of his being wanted to just lean over and kiss her, but he thought that might be bad. She would most likely blow him to bits. Anders wanted to reassure her but his words failed him. It was Justice that gave her the reassurance that she needed and he was grateful.

OoO

The child was crazy, adorable but crazy. He wanted to laugh at the sight of Eve and Leigh,

the child all arms and legs, begging for whatever it was that Evelyn had promised. Tuck seemed light hearted and satisfied. The Elf seemed like a good sort and seemed to care a great deal for Eve. He could understand that, she seemed to be an easy person to care about. But when the light conversation turned harsh...

Anders knew that look. A blind man would know_ THAT_ look. Tuck was in love with her and Anders was pointedly not welcome. Tuck yelled at Evelyn again about not eating, and she yelled back. Andraste's tits could she yell. Who would have thought someone so small could bellow like that. However Tuck was right, even while they had talked he'd noticed she'd only taken a mere mouthful and that seemed to be a struggle for her. Then the Elf looked at him as if he wanted Anders to do something about it. What did he think Anders was going to be able to do? It wasn't his business anyway, yet he cared that she wasn't eating. He wanted to do something, say anything but he didn't feel it was his place. Justice scolded him.

"_**The boy is right, she should be eating. You should do something about it."**_

"_What? Me? What am I supposed to do? Hold her down and shove the food down her throat?"_

"_**If that is what it takes, it is what you should do."**_

"_Why do you even care? Since when you do you care about a single person."_

"_**She helped us, it is only right to make sure she is well."**_

"_Bullshit! There's more to it than that. You can't tell me that's the only reason."_

"_**Do you not wish to help her? You are always telling me I need to care for more than just the mage's plight."**_

"_Oh, so now you suddenly care?"_

"_**Do you not?"**_

"_Of course I do..."_

"_**Then what is the problem?"**_

"_... why do I feel like you just talked me into a corner?"_

"_**What does that mean?"**_

"_Nothing... never mind."_

The look Tuck gave him when she told him Anders had been the one to heal her burns, was not unexpected. Tuck glared at Anders and oozed jealousy. Anders knew it was best not to react, but he could feel Evelyn's discomfort as she looked between himself and Tuck.

"_**This is why you should not involve yourself in matters of lust."**_

"_Shut up Justice..."_

Evelyn stood and took charge by changing the subject. Thankfully the tension seemed to seep out of Tuck as Eve spoke of promises and... going to the beach? Had she lost her mind?

"_**You can not let her endanger the others for this foolishness."**_

"_And how do you think I should stop her? Jump on her? Tie her down? I bet that would go over well."_

"_**You do what you must."**_

"_The only way I'm going to tie her down is if it involves a bed and lots of rope."_

"_**Why must everything with you come down to mating?"**_

"_It's been a very long time Justice, can you just let me have this one?"_

_OoO_

Before he knew it, Evelyn was pulling him down towards the camp, but he didn't want to go on this foolish trip. Justice protested non stop, making his head throb. Anders didn't know what to expect when he reached the camp. A few tents? A handful of scared mages? Most apostates lived in constant fear and he expected no less here.

That wasn't what he found though. There were people all over the clearing and it was incredible. Mages and families all working together, all doing ordinary things. Anders watched as Evelyn interacted with some of the people and introduced him to them. He doubted he would remember half the people that he met but it was a relief to see them all at ease with him.

She laughed and seemed so comfortable with everyone. She stopped to speak with a man. He was tall like Anders but stockier, and definitely not a mage. His brown hair and dark bushy beard reminded Anders of a bear.

The man glanced at Anders with small, piercing dark eyes. Anders hovered closely behind Evelyn, smiling up at the large man as he chuckled then disappeared into his tent. When the man emerged, he pushed a set of clothing into Anders' hands and grinned.

"They might be a wee bit big for yeh, but they will do fer going down tae the water," the large man said, giving Anders a sound slap on the back which made him stagger. "Yeh can use ma tent tae change if yeh like. Just be quick about it, I want to git down there myself."

Anders shifted the clothes so he could offer his hand, "Thank you ser..."

"Nae Ser, just Barrick. I'll not be havin' any of that Ser crap." Barrick laughed heartily then turned and went back to join others gathered in the clearing.

Evelyn chuckled, rolling her eyes, "Go, get changed. We don't have all day you know," she said lightheartedly, giving Anders a small shove towards the tent. "I'll wait for you here, don't worry, I wont peek."

"Alright, alright, I'm going, bossy woman," Anders chuckled. He hadn't felt so light hearted in years with everything that was always pressing down on him and this felt good, like what he did was really worth it and the crippling self doubt eased just a little.

The tent was small and dark. A small beam of sunshine seeped through the cracks of the flap to afford him enough light to dress. A large pack sat in the corner with a sword leaning against it.

"_**We need to stay and help these people."**_

"_Since when do you care about a handful of people Justice?"_

"_**Their cause is a good one. There is much justice to be sought and we can help them achieve that."**_

"_This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain Tranquil would it?"_

"_**Nonsense. Compassion is fool hardy, letting her need to help others blind her to the injustice around her." **_Justice's anger bloomed.

"_I'm sure..."_

"_**What is that supposed to mean?"**_

"_Nothing."_

Anders quickly shrugged out of his dirt covered clothes and he wondered what had happened to his robes. He would have to ask Eve if they were able to be mended as he really loved those robes. He slipped into the light tan cotton pants and tied the drawstrings. He grinned wryly as the cotton shirt hung loosely on his shoulders.

"I look like a fool." he murmured, tucking the dangling shirt into his pants. He quickly gathered the clothes he'd just taken off and stepped out of the tent. Evelyn stood leaning on one of the tent posts, her arms folded loosely, her lips quirking into a grin.

"A wee bit big but not bad, I'm sure one of the women could alter them for you, until we can get you some new clothes."

Anders nodded thoughtfully, "Hey, I was wondering what happened to my robes?"

"You mean those feathery things?" she chuckled, "They were in pretty rough shape when they brought you to camp, I had to cut the damn things off you, who needs all those buckles and feathers?"

"Hey, I'll have you know those were the latest fashion in Tevinter. I happened to like them," he protested, mildly offended.

"Yes, if you like to wear something that screams, LOOK AT ME I'M A MAGE! Ooh feathers!" Evelyn snorted, waving her hands in the air.

Anders tried hard not to laugh. She was incredibly adorable with her hands flailing in the air, but instead he jutted his lip out in a fake pout, "Now your just being mean."

Evelyn's playful mocking was stopped short. She frowned, and reached out, brushing her thumb lightly across his bottom lip. His heart skipped a bit as he stared wide eyed at her. He didn't expect her to touch him and he hadn't expect his body to react to it like that.

"I didn't offend you did I? I didn't mean to..." her tone serious.

Grasping her wrist gently, Anders pulled her hand away, running his thumb lightly across the back of her hand. A crooked smile graced his lips. Justice's disapproving overtones clouded his thoughts, but he ignored them. "Not at all."

Clearing her throat Evelyn smiled, twisting her hand to lace her fingers with his, tugging him along. "Come on, pretty much everyone is down there already."

"_**You are going to get yourself into trouble with this woman, it is not a good idea Anders."**_

"_I don't know what your talking about."_

_OoO_

The breeze was still cool, but mornings on the wounded coast always warmed up and quickly became stifling hot. Anders followed Evelyn down the steep narrow incline, careful not to slip on the loose rocks.

Evelyn glanced back at him and smiled, "Not much farther, then you can relax."

"Uh, that's reassuring," he grumbled, his body still hurt and very weak.

Arriving on the beach, some people were splashing in the water but most occupied themselves along the beach with various activities. Evelyn helped Anders settle under one of the low hanging trees that jutted out from the rock face. He enjoyed the coolness of the shade, and welcomed the comfortable feeling he got when Evelyn settled herself next to him.

They sat in silence, content to watch people. Some of the children, including Leigh, were playing games or digging in the sand, things children should be doing, even mage children. He smiled as he watched them, remembering what his life was like before the circle and the Templars. He knew this was what he was fighting for.

Anders turned his attention to Evelyn, a look of peace seemed to settle around her. She was smiling and as content as he was to just watch the others enjoy themselves. He found he was glad she made him come along now. Both Anders and Justice realized that this peace was something neither of them had truly felt in a long time and were both happy to bask in it, for the time being.

The last time Anders had felt such peace, had been before Justice, during one of his escapes from the tower. He had found it in a warm sun filled clearing, having just left a small village. He found himself happy to just be free to do whatever he wanted to.

As for Justice, he hadn't felt it since The Fade. The Fade wasn't like the mortal world, things here were loud and hardly ever changed. In The Fade Justice could shift the world to whatever he needed it to be, and other spirits were always near should the need arise. One only had to want it and The Fade shifted. Justice longed for _that_ peace and for once, he found it here, in this moment.

Anders felt himself drift off. The sounds of the sea and the gentle pull that emanated from Evelyn lulled him. It was so strange, that pull in his mind. He wondered if she felt it too? He realized as long as he was near her, there was a pleasant hum in his blood and unlike the Wardens call it was pleasant, not harsh and yanking. He was content to let it wash over him, his eyes slipped closed as he drifted.

Anders wasn't sure if it was Evelyn's scream or the icy cold mush that sprayed across his face that jarred him into awareness.

"Tucker! I am going to fire ball your arse for that," she screeched, as he bolted upright, looking about him in bewilderment.

Evelyn sat beside him, wet slush dripping from her hair, as Tuck staggered back laughing himself to tears.

Anders watched in wide eyed amusement as Evelyn shot up and began to chase after the elf. Tuck could really move for a mage. He stifled his own laugh as Evelyn cast a paralyzing spell in Tuck's direction, and heard Tuck's curse as he stepped into it. Before he could even take a breath, Evelyn was casting again. Ice and heat mixed together and where one would cause a rock hard ball of ice, the other kept it from fully forming, making a slushy ball of snow like ice that was dripping between her fingers. She proceeded to whip it at Tuck, knocking the elf right out of the spell.

Some of the others stopped to watch the amusing spectacle, while the children giggled and joined in the chase. One child, a young boy of ten or eleven years, sat watching from afar, his dark brown hair hung in his eyes as he watched Evelyn and Tuck throwing slush balls. The boy looked so sad as he watched the other children. Anders felt a pang of sadness for the boy, it seemed as if he wanted to join in, but didn't know how. Anders understood how the poor boy felt.

"His name is Arian."

Anders' heart lurched, gasping at the voice that hovered just above him. He looked up, startled and found Compassion standing there. Or would it be Lucy he wondered, still trying to wrap his mind around the spirit/tranquil thing.

"Sorry, what?" his voice cracked.

Compassion smiled. It still looked creepy to see a Tranquil smile to him but he politely smiled back up at her.

"The boy, his name is Arian. I saw you watching him." she said softly.

"Oh, that... I just wondered..."

"He has a difficult time understanding how to be a child, although I must admit I had the same problem, not so long ago."

"You had problems... being a child?"

Compassion laughed, the sound as soft as everything else about her seemed to be, "No, I never understood what it was like to be a child, some of it is still confusing, even after all these years."

"Ah, I see." Anders spoke cautiously, Justice felt distain with Compassion's presence there, but didn't protest it either.

"Would you mind if I joined you, Brother?"

"Really, I'm not your... yes, of course."

Compassion settled herself beside Anders, watching as Evelyn and Tuck playfully turned the snowball fight into a magic lesson for the children.

"They make a good couple," Anders said, feeling slightly jealous. He felt he had no right to the feeling yet felt it nonetheless.

"They are not mates, Evelyn has little interest in such things with Tuck," Compassion explained.

"How would you know? They seem close enough."

"Brother, I have spent the better part of my time in this mortal world inside Evelyn. There is no one else, other than herself, that could know her better.

"Oh yes... I forgot."

"Evelyn is not well. She thinks I do not notice, and I wish to help her. But I do not know how and she will not let me."

"Did something happen? I can see she's not comfortable around you, was it what you did in the Starkhaven circle?"

"She told you about that? I am surprised, she rarely speaks so openly to strangers or even those she trusts."

"So if it's not that, then what is it? I mean, if I'm not being too forward."

"I lied to her, I kept things from her. I thought I was protecting her but I have come to the understanding that I was not."

"I don't understand, how did you lie?"

"When we merged, it was because I wanted to save her, to protect her. Things happened, many horrible things and she was going to die. You see, it is my nature to protect, to have compassion. After I entered her, I blocked those things, hid them away from her. I just wanted to keep her safe."

"So when you left her body..."

"The wall I built to protect her... crumbled. She relived it all in a torrent of nightmares."

Anders stared, gawking at Compassion, as she told him what she had done to Evelyn's mind. Even as her voice filled with regret, the spirit looked passive, as if she was speaking of the weather.

"_Justice... you better not be keeping shit from me."_

"_**What purpose would that serve? It is a lie that would serve no one, and cause injustice to the one who was lied to."**_

"_How could she do that to her?"_

"_**A Spirit only knows how to react to what it is, to react otherwise is… difficult but not impossible, she only did what it was in her nature to do." **_

"_Are you defending what she did to Evelyn?"_

"_**Yes... Compassion is what she is, Anders, she only acted out of compassion for Evelyn. That is what Compassion is, just as I am **__**what I am."**_

Anders sat staring, his mind a jumble. He wasn't aware that Spirit's could block out memories, had never even entertained the thought. It felt like a violation to him, as if something had been taken away from Evelyn. He now understood and didn't blame her for her dislike for the spirit.

"How did it happen?" Anders scowled.

"Pardon?"

"How did you and Evelyn... meet?"

"Ah, she has not told you that yet?"

"If she had, I wouldn't be asking, and I haven't known her that long. You should know, you were there."

"It was because of Reanna, if not for her I would not have known Evelyn."

"Reanna?"

"Evelyn's Mother. She was a spirit healer, and I was her spirit."

"OH, but how?"

"How I met Reanna is of no importance, as with most spirit healers, it happened within the fade. It was when Reanna was with child that my curiosity with the mortal plane grew.

"When she was pregnant with Evelyn?"

"Yes. You see children are pure and the most compassionate creatures in the mortal world. After Evelyn was born, I would come to her in the fade. I guess you could say we became friends, even though at the time, I was not sure what that meant"

"Is that why you care for the children here? Because of their innocence?"

Compassion nodded, "Among other reasons but yes, that is the main one. I watched over Evelyn when she was in the fade. When I could, I drove most unwanted demons away. The demons feared us in the fade, but some slipped past. She needed to learn how to protect herself from them when I could not be there, but she was in no danger from them."

"So how did you manage to go from being her protector in the fade, to making her an abomination?" He knew that wasn't true, but he hoped for a reaction from the spirit and was unnerved to find there was none.

"She was dying, her parents were slain. Evelyn had been run through by a Templar's sword. She had been betrayed by her prince and they were taking Lucy away when she slid into the fade before she passed. She begged me to save Lucy, and I could not let harm come to her or the child."

"So you took her over..."

"Yes. Saving her life and that of Lucy's. Sadly I was unprepared for Evelyn's state of emotions, there were... complications.

"Like with Justice and Vengeance?"

"Yes."

Anders didn't know how he felt about this information. Justice was angry with Compassion but seemed to understand the spirit's motivations nonetheless, along with the satisfaction that Evelyn's parents had been given Justice for their deaths.

Anders pressed on as he felt to the need to understand, needed to know if removing Justice from himself would be dangerous, and what about Lucy. "Is it true? What Evelyn said about the Tranquil's spirit being gone?"

"I am afraid so. When I entered Lucy, her memories were like an echo. They were still there, but the strong emotion, the _essence_ of Lucy was not."

"Do you think her essence has moved on to the Fade?"

"I do not know, I hope so. Lucy was a very kind and compassionate soul. Her loss was tragic for everyone."

They were quiet again, Compassion humming softly to herself as she stared out at the sea. When she spoke again, Anders could clearly hear a hint of concern in her voice.

"Anders, may I ask you a question?"

"You called me Anders, I guess I am demoted as your Brother then?"

"You were never my Brother, Anders, I was speaking to Justice before and now I am speaking to you."

"Ah... Fair enough, ask away."

"Are you going to separate my Brother from your body?"

"Uhh, I don't know, I haven't had much time to think about it really, why?"

"As much as I would like to have my Brother with me in a body of his own, I worry about the risk to your life."

"Evelyn said I could die during the ritual."

"No, not could... you have to."

Anders broke out in a cold sweat. He felt his heart leap in his chest, fear taking hold of him, "W-what?"

"Do not worry, it would only be temporary... hopefully."

"How do you temporarily die? Last I knew, death was kind of permanent."

"Oh, it is normally, the rite only kills you for a short while. Until the spirit can move out of you safely that is. But there are risks and the chances of you staying dead are great."

"Maker's ass!" He cursed.

"I'm not sure if your Maker has an ass, and I don't think it would have anything to do with you dying. Such a strange thing to say."

"Right... So... What you're saying is that Evelyn _died_ to remove you from her body?"

"Yes, although there were complications from what I was told."

"Complications? What kind of complications?"

"When the rite was being performed, the camp had come under attack. Evelyn was dead for far too long and I was too weak to be of help."

"How long?"

"I do not recall, an hour perhaps. Things were very confusing at the time."

"And yet she lived..."

"Yes, but only very narrowly. Also you should be aware that there will always be a part of my brother that will be bound to your soul, just like part of myself is in Evelyn, and there is no way to remove that."

"What will that do?"

"Nothing really. You will likely still have a strong drive for justice, just as Evelyn has a stronger drive for compassion. Also you will likely feel the drawing when you are near her.

"The drawing?"

"Do you not feel it now? It is a feeling that links the spirits in the fade, in case we should need to find each other. You should feel it when you are near myself or Evelyn."

"I feel... a pulling. A feeling that if I follow it, everything will be all right."

"Yes, that is the drawing. It is nothing to fear, it is just the souls linking, making it easier to find each other."

"So she feels it too?"

"Yes, she likely does, although she has not told me as such. But if I feel it from both of you, she will feel it too."

"It feels..."

"Pleasant."

"Yeah..." But it felt better then that, it felt like all he wanted was to be standing near to her. He hardly knew this woman and everything about her was drawing him in with a need to be closer.

Anders turned back to watch Evelyn, her bright green eyes lit up when she looked over at him. she seemed very much alive to him, but it was impossible. No one could be dead that long. His mind started to work, mulling thoughts over and over in his mind, her sleeplessness, not eating. They all sounded so familiar.

"Compassion, when did Evelyn start getting sick?"

"I am not sure, recently I think, maybe a few weeks perhaps a month, why?"

"When you were together, she never seemed sick, didn't feel sick?"

"No, she was fine she could not hide it from me even if she had wanted to."

"That's what I thought, and how long has it been since her '_death'_ and her sickness?"

"About the same time now that I think about it, although it was not noticeable at first, it appears to have gotten much worse from what Tuck has told me, he is very worried, as am I."

"Interesting..."

"Why?"

Anders waved his hand in the air, "It may be nothing. I may know what it is, but I'm not sure yet."

"And what would that be?"

"It's most likely nothing, if she gets worse, I'll talk to her."

"But it has already gotten worse, I have told you this."

"Yes, but you didn't have me around before."

"And what will you being here do? I don't think merely your presence will make her well."

"Well it's worth a try," he chuckled.

"Was that suppose to be funny? I can never tell."

"You remind me of Justice..."

"That is not possible. I am not Justice, I am Compassion. Saying I am like Justice is like saying you are like Evelyn and you are not."

"Nevermind..."

"As you wish, Anders."

"Bloody spirits." Anders muttered, under his breath.

"But I am not bleeding."

Anders sighed, shaking his head, "I think I'm about ready to go back to camp now."

"All right, I will let Evelyn know," she said. Compassion got to her feet and walked over to where Tuck and Evelyn were gathered with the children.

Anders was relieved. Having Justice protesting in his head was bad enough, but having Compassion being the same way was headache inducing.

Anders leaned back, just content to relax now. He didn't know what the next few weeks would hold for him but he was more than willing to stick around and find out.

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><p>AN: I want to thank everyone for the support! You make me blush insanely and I'm so happy that so many are enjoying the story so far. the reviews and the PM's really make my day and I thank you all so very much. I love to hear everyone's thoughts and feelings on how things are progressing.

Special thanks to my superduper betas ArcturasB and RandomWittering for all the help and without them this chapter would be a whole lot of roughness. lol

And thanks to Jinx1983 for being superduper friend and beta and for kicking my butt and keeping me going.


	6. Interlude I  Tucker

When Life Takes Hold  
>Interlude I - Tucker<p>

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><p>It is heartbreaking to watch a child,<br>who has lost their innocence.

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><p>Dark clouds rolled in over Denerim with the promise of relief from the stifling summer heat, as the distant sounds of thunder rumbled, and the smell of dirt and rain grew heavy in the air. There seemed to be a collective sigh of relief as merchants scattered to cover their wares, children running and squealing in the streets excited for the break from the intense summer day heat. But the elves in the alienage seemed to revel in the coming storm, many coming out of their homes to watch the blackening sky.<p>

He didn't like to get wet, but as much as he hated the rain, he hated the heat more. And he needed to make it to the shop and back quickly. His Mother was waiting for him, and she promised he could help her bake a cake for his nameday tomorrow. This would be the first time they could afford such a luxury for him. To him, it was the best thing in all of Thedas, and he didn't want to mess it up.

He loved helping his Mother bake. He was a good helper, and sometimes she would let him assist when she baked for the palace where she served. He had only been in the castle a handful of times, but it was amazing, and he loved the adventure. There were knights and nobles, and he had even seen King Maric once. The Shem was huge and had smiled at him. He seemed very friendly, not very kingly at all. His Mother laughed at him when he had told her that. A small smile pulled at his lips at the thought of the Human King. His mother had told him as far as Shems go, the King was the best of them. And he believed it.

His Mother had told him to be quick. He was not one to waste time but his thoughts distracted him from his task. He did not want to be caught in the storm lest he forget everything she had sent him to collect.

"Eggs, flour and spice... Eggs, flour and spice," the elven boy murmured quietly under his breath, as he darted through the darkening alley of the alienage.

His large golden eyes darted around the shadows of the alleyway, his black hair hung in his eyes, and stuck to his face. He huffed in frustration as he tried to wipe the hair away from his eyes. He knew it was still dangerous to go through the alleys even during the day, but it was still faster than taking the main street. It would not do to have his only two silvers stolen. Nervously he slipped out onto the open road, a wide grin crossed his face as he headed quickly to the shop across the wide streets.

"Hey there squirt. Where you off to in such a hurry?" A voice came up out of nowhere. Startled, he grasped the two sliver coins tightly to his chest with a gasp, twirling around wide eyed to face the figure that hovered a few inches taller than himself. He let out a breath of relief that he didn't even realize he was holding as he relaxed.

"O.. oh.. Hey there, Shianni, you scared the life out me." He smiled up at his older sister, his body trembling slightly.

The red headed elf chuckled, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "Sorry, Tucker. I didn't mean to. I was just wondering what trouble you were getting yourself into now." She chuckled.

"No trouble, just going to the shop for Mama, it's my nameday tomorrow, remember?" Tucker beamed, sticking his chest out proudly.

"Oh ya, I forgot. You're what, five now?" Shianni smirked.

"Very funny Shianni. I'm only two years younger than you..." he scoffed.

"I know, I know, you're just so short and adorable, it's so hard to believe you will be ten tomorrow." she teased, ruffling his hair as he squirmed out of her reach.

"Hey, stop it." Tucker scowled, batting her hand away.

"Touchy." She chuckled. "Would you like some help?"

"What for?" Tucker asked, in a fail attempt to flatten his tousled hair.

"I'm just being nice, Tucker. Gee why are you so touchy?"

"You never do anything nice for me."

"Oh come on now, you know that's not true."

"It is true and you kno..."

Tuckers attention was quickly drawn away by a small figure that moved up the main road toward them. His heart almost leapt into his throat, watching as a young human girl walked slowly up the road. Humans didn't come here, they always steered clear from the alienage, unless they were guards or Templars with the sisters of the Chantry. He looked up at Shianni, and her attention was now focused on the girl as well, and she did not look happy.

"What the... what's a Shem kid doing here?" she whispered.

Tuckers gaze went back to the young girl. The Shem was pretty enough, he thought as he watched her. Dark brown hair fell loosely around her shoulders, she looked to be not much older than him, although Tucker could never really tell the age of humans. For all he knew she could be years older. Not only did this girl look out of place here, she was dressed better than most Shem he had met, with the exception of those in the Palace, but those were nobles.

The girl wore a dress of dark green with golden threads, embroidered along the edges that tapered down and billowed slightly around her feet. Even though she looked like a noble, the girl seemed to be uncomfortable in her own skin, as she walked stiffly, tripping over the hem of the dress, making Tucker stifle a laugh.

"I wonder why she's here?" he asked, glancing up at his sister.

"I dunno Tuck, she's going to get herself killed if she's not careful. It's too dangerous for a Shem to come here alone. She's just a kid. Why did the guards let a kid in here?"

"Maybe she got lost, we should help her before..."

He heard a familiar bark of laughter, and he knew that laugh. It sent a shiver through him. He groaned as two teenage elven boys stepped out of the shadows near one of the run down shops. Tucker watched them as they stepped close to the young Shem girl, her eyes widened in surprise and took a few steps back, as they hovered over her, blocking her way.

"Lookie here Flynn, looks like a little Shem has lost her way, or maybe she's come to gawk at us pathetic knife ears." The taller of the two glared down at her.

The young girl seemed taken aback briefly before crossing her arms tight to her chest, "I am not here to gawk, that would be just rude," the young girl scoffed.

"Oh really now, is that right? What would a scrawny little Shem like you be doing all alone down here then?"

The girl glanced around, her pale blue eyes fell briefly to Tuckers own worried stare. She smiled at him before turning her attention back to the two young men.

"My father told me about how bad life is here in the alienage. I ... just wanted to see if what he said was true." She shifted uncomfortably as their gazes hardened into a scowl.

Tucker felt his heart hammering in his chest, he watched in fear as the events slowly unfolded in front of him. He had to help, he knew they would beat this poor girl to a bloody pulp. Those two had been known to cause a lot of trouble, not only within the alienage but outside as well. Both boys had been known for their hatred of humans. Many elves in the alienage hated humans, although none would act on it. But Tucker never really hated humans, they weren't the nicest at times, but he knew that not every Shem was the same. He had met kind ones before.

"They're going to hurt her Shianni, we have to do something," he whispered. The feeling of panic began to raise in his chest, this girl maybe a Shem but she didn't do anything to deserve to be hurt.

"Tucker, go home. Mama will be worried. Forget about the girl." Shianni's voice was strange, like she did not believe her own words.

"But... I can't let them hurt her."

"Tucker no!" Shianni shouted, grabbing a hold of Tucker's arm in an attempt to pull him back.

Tucker twisted out of her grasp. She may have been older and larger, but he was fast and her hold wasn't strong enough to keep him. Tucker darted towards them as a small group started to form around Rayln and Flynn. Yet no one intervened as one of the boys struck the young girl, knocking her to the ground.

"Leave her alone, Rayln. She hasn't done nothing to you!" Tucker hollered at the older boy, who yanked the girl by her hair up to her feet. She screamed but it wasn't in fear, she was angry as she twisted, swinging out trying to attack the older boy in an attempt to break his hold on her, to no avail.

"What, are you in love with the little Shem, Tucky? You don't want me to hurt her? What are you going to do about it, little rat?" Rayln spat, holding the girl by the hair, just far enough away from his body as to not be struck by her flaying arms and legs.

"Let her go Rayln!"

The girl screamed, pulling away from Rayln, instead of fleeing she twisted around and kicked his groin, he cried out in pain before dropping to his knees. The girl smiled smugly before a fist blurred out and smashed her face, her head snapped back as she tumbled onto the ground.

"You little Shem bitch," Flynn snapped, taking a step towards her, kicking her in the face.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Tucker watched blood ooze down from a gash over her eye. Her eye swelled and began to turn a deep purple, his stomach lurched as he watched Flynn grabbed her by the hair and dragged her screaming down the main street. The crowd had grown and people stared, but none of them offered to help the young girl, some even had twisted smirks. Something inside Tucker snapped at that moment, he felt the start of the cool raindrops hitting on his skin. A loud crack of thunder was heard as Tucker stepped towards them, he wanted to scream but his voice failed him, and at that moment he was ashamed to call himself an elf. The hair stood up on Tucker's arms as rage bubbled up inside him. He could feel the power rushing through him as lightning sparked out of his reaching hands, striking Flynn in the chest.

The boy's eyes went wide as a bead of blood formed at the corner of his mouth, trickling down slowly. Tucker stared in shocked as the rain started to pour down around him. He felt cold and numb. Tucker trembled as he stared at the lifeless body that looked back at him with twisted horror. Those empty eyes stared at nothing. A gaping hole was all that was left of the boy's chest. There was very little blood though Tucker noticed, such a large hole yet barely any blood. The lightning must have done it, his mind reeled, he did this, he killed him but how? That couldn't have been him? He wasn't a Mage, was he? He wanted to run away, everyone was staring at him. His legs wouldn't move, they felt like they were filled with lead.

He felt a warm hand slip into his, his eyes breaking away from the horror of what he did. He looked, it was the girl, her face was swollen, purple and broken, but she was still smiling.

"Thank you," she said, her voice was soft and reassuring. "You saved my life."

"I..."

"Tucker... What have you done?" Shianni's voice sounded desperate and pleading, as she held tightly to his shoulders.

Tucker wasn't sure if it was Shianni that was trembling or him, perhaps both. The lightning cracked so loudly that he could feel the ground tremble, making him flinch. The rain was now pouring over him, drenching every inch of him, but his mind was still unable to wrap around what had happened. It was the girl's soft voice that brought his attention back.

"What's your name?" the girl whispered in his ear, she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Tucker..."

"I would say nice to meet you but... Under the circumstance... My name is Elissa."

Her words were barely registered, he stared down at the ground, letting the rain roll off him, into a pond at his feet. What would Mama think? She'd hate him. He was a monster. How could she love him now after what he had done. He could still feel his sister hovering, holding his shoulders firmly, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Tucker could feel her hands shaking, they were numb and wet. He hated the rain.

He wanted to take back the day and go back to when he wasn't a killer, go back to when Mama woke him this morning. He should have been slower with his chores. Maybe if he hadn't rushed, then this would already have happened, and he wouldn't have been here, he wouldn't have saved... He gave the girl a sideways glance, her dark brown hair looked almost black and slick, sticking to the side of her face, but her blue eyes stared back at him. She had such kind eyes, and even though she had just suffered at the hands of another elf she looked at him with admiration. No, this was good. If he hadn't rushed, if he hadn't been here when he was, she would be dead. Flynn would have killed her, he was sure of this.

The sound of metal footsteps rang in his ears. They would come and take him away, lock him up or maybe even hang him. He would never be able to go home again. He felt Shianni pull him tightly against her chest, as if holding him tighter would keep them from taking him.

Tucker turned and saw six guards and two very large Templars moving swiftly upon them. Tucker and Elissa held tight onto each other.

"Do not worry Tucker, I will not let any harm come to you," she spoke with confidence, he really wished he could believe her.

The few elves that lingered quickly departed as the guards came into sight, leaving just the three of them and the corpse of Flynn. Even Rayln had taken off back to whatever hole he had crawled out of.

"Spread out, secure the area, and get as much information as you can here," the guard commander shouted as he turned to examine Flynn's body.

The Templars flanked them and Tucker wanted to run. Panic filled him as his skin felt like a million little spiders were crawling across his body. All he wanted was to flee anywhere away from this place. He felt like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a wolf, waiting for it to bite down with it's mighty teeth.

One of the Templars shoved Shianni back, grabbing Tucker's arm and pulling him away. He felt Elissa's hand slip from his and he heard Shianni's desperate shout to leave him alone. The Templar was not gentle as he shoved Tucker to the ground. He fell onto his stomach with such force the air was knocked from him. His head bounced off the muddy ground and a small puddle of water pooled around his face. There was a pressure on his back as a heavy foot pressed him down, making it difficult for him to draw a breath. He gasped and the Templar yanked his arms back behind him, Tucker was sure the man was trying to rip them off but he didn't cry out. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of crying. There was cold metal clamped onto his wrists and his stomach rolled. It felt like his life was being sucked out of him, as if being drained away bit by bit.

"Let him go!" Elissa growled, as she attempted to shove the Templar. "Let go of him now, I demand it!"

"I am sorry miss, but Mages are dangerous, we can not let him free. You have seen with your eyes what an untrained Mage can do," the Templar said pointing at Flynn's remains.

"He did not do this! Are you blind as well as stupid?" Elissa spat pointing up to the sky, as if by command the thunder rumbled and lightning cracked across the sky. "The boy was struck down by lighting, Tucker attempted to save me from him, when lightning struck him dead."

"I am not a fool miss, though you seem to take me as one. The boy is vibrating with magic, I can feel it from him and around the... body. I am sorry but his fate will be sealed depending on the findings." The Templar's voice was sympathetic, even as he pressed his foot down harder on Tuckers back, pushing him into the mud as a reminder of who was in charge.

"The findings? What do you plan on doing to my friend?" Elissa's voice had a hint of panic to it.

The Templar remained silent, watching the guards as they walked around the grounds to speak to some of the elder elves. Elissa face became flush. Tucker watched as her hands balled into tight fists. He sucked in a tight breath. He wanted to tell her to go and just leave him. He had heard story's of Templars killing people for interfering with their job. He didn't want her to die for him. He was just grateful that Shianni was quiet. She understood what the Templars would do, or maybe she wanted him to be gone too. Maybe...

"Do to know who I am?" Elissa howled, but the Templar remained silent.

Elissa growled and kicked the Templar but her boot bounced off the metal under the skirt, making an audible clank. This got the Templar's attention as he looked down at her.

"I am Elissa Cousland! My father is Bryce Cousland, the Teyrn of Highever, and a very good friend of King Maric! So I would advise you, unless you want me to tell the King how horrible you treat his people, Let... Him... Go!"

Tucker felt the world around him had come to a stop, everyone around him stopped talking, moving or even breathing, and stared at the young girl who was glaring at the Templar. The only sound was the heavy rain splashing against the armor. He felt the pressure of the Templar's foot disappeared as he was dragged up to his knees by his arm, and pulled at his wrists as the shackles twisted, cutting into his skin painfully.

"I am sorry, m'lady, but even so, I cannot free him... The most I can do is to take him straight to the circle, instead of striking him down for the murder of one of his own."

"But he saved my life..." All the fight seemed to have drained from her now, she just stared with her eyes filled with sympathy and regret.

The Templar was going to kill him, he knew it. But she... the daughter of a noble, not just any noble, but the Teyrn of Highever, and he stuck his neck out for her and almost had it cut off. Yet stepping in and helping her. If anything this was something he would never forget.

"ELISSA!" a voice echoed through the streets as a young man ran towards them at a dead run. His face etched with worry and soaked to the bone in his fine clothes that were likely a rich purple, but now were black and clinging to his body.

"Fergus!" she screeched, plowing into her brothers arms. He held her close, pulling her back to get a look at her. Tucker watched as Fergus' face changed from one of relief to confusion then quickly melding into anger.

Fergus' fingers bushed lightly over the swollen bruises on Elissa's face, although she hardly seemed to notice the pain as she clung onto her brother's arms.

"Elissa, Maker's blood, what happened? Who did this to you?"

But before she could answer, Fergus quickly assessed what happened when his eyes fell onto a shackled and disheveled Tucker. His eyes burned with hatred as he released his grasp on Elissa, taking two quick steps forward, he pulled his arm back as he swung. His fist connected with a dull thud to the side of Tucker's face. The elven boy fell back and the Templars made no move to intervene. They stood and watched as Tucker laid in a heap, the side of his face began to swell.

"Fergus, NO! It wasn't him!" she cried, grabbing hold of her brother's arm to pull him back.

He could hear her shouts for her brother to stop, but everything was spinning as Tucker rolled to lay on his back in the mud and stared up at the dark clouds, letting the rain wash away some of the mud caked on his face. His jaw ached, he was sure it was broken. The pain bloomed up the side was making his head throb. Shianni kneeled beside him, helping him sit up when the Templar grabbed her shoulders to pull her away. This time she fought back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME SHEM," she growled. "He is my brother and I won't let you treat him like this."

"He's your brother no longer girl. He is a Mage, now go home, there's nothing left for you here," the Templar spoke dryly, holding firmly onto Shianni's arm as she squirmed against him iron grip.

Fergus knelt down in front of Tucker, reaching out to wipe more of the mud from the boy's face. Tucker flinched away from his touch. Fergus frowned. "I am sorry, I should have listened before... assuming. Thank you for my sister's life, she told me what you did when others just stood by and did nothing."

Fergus looked up at the Templars then stood tall, every ounce of him screamed noble as he glared at the Templars. "What is to happen to the boy?" he asked.

"The mage is to be executed for killing an innocent. It's the rules, Ser."

"EXECUTED!" Fergus shouted, crossing his arms firmly across his chest. Elissa gasped, while Shianni bellowed out curses and was now fighting to free herself from the Templar's hold, but Tucker sat with his head hung between his knees, resigning to whatever fate they would lay out for him. The Templar raised a hand to silence the two young nobles who were now shouting at him.

"Of course, seeing as the mage saved your life, M'lady, I will be willing to stay my hand and take him back to the Circle, where he can learn to control his powers and will no longer be a bother to anyone."

"Bother to anyone?" Shianni snapped. "My brother has never been a bother to anyone, he's the sweetest kindest soul one could ever meet!" She sobbed as tears formed in her eyes. "Please Ser, please let me take him home, he won't hurt anyone I promise," she begged, still tugging weakly against the Templar's grasp.

Shianni's words of plea for his freedom brought everything down around him. Tucker hung his head between his knees, as the tears fell freely, leaving streaks down his muddy face.

"I just want to go home," he sobbed. "T...tomorrow is my nameday, I was suppose to get the eggs, flour...and..." His whimper turned into sobs, his whole body trembled. He wanted to die, he didn't want to be taken away to live somewhere else with strangers. He would be better off dead. Tucker pulled at the shackles that bound his wrists, he wanted to break free from it all, he needed to. He kicked harder as his blood beaded around the shackles, he growled, frustrated.

A hand slipped under his chin pulling his head up, his golden eyes met her blue ones, and even with the rain Tucker could see Elissa was crying too.

"I am so, so sorry Tucker, can you ever forgive me?" she whispered.

He stared at her and found he could not forgive. He thought he could but he didn't have it in him. If she hadn't come here everything would be alright, he would be home by now and helping his Mother bake, and she... But her eyes, they were full of regret that tugged at his heart. It was a simple lie if nothing else, he nodded and she smiled weakly.

Elissa looked up at the Templar and scowled. "Could you at least let him say goodbye to his sister? I owe him at least that much."

The Templar sighed in frustration, releasing his grasp on Shianni as she fell to her knees beside Tucker, grasping at him with desperation, tucking his head under her chin as he cried softly in her arms.

"Tell mama I'm sorry, tell her I love her and I'll miss her everyday." He sobbed, struggling within his shackles, wanting desperately to return his sisters embrace. Shianni sensing his need for affection, grasped a hold of him tighter as his cries turning to sobbing hiccups. "T..tell Papa I didn't mean to be bad, tell him I'll miss him too."

"Y...you're not bad Tuck, you've never been bad. Please don't blame yourself for this, it's not your fault," she whisper into his hair.

"I'll miss you too, Shianni. Please look after Mama, this will kill her please, please take care of her."

Shianni nodded, holding him tighter to her. "I will, I promise Tuck, please be safe and don't do anything to make them turn you into one of those mindless freaks, okay?" she said pulling his face up to hers, kissing his forehead lightly. "I love you squirt. Forever."

"I love you too sis. Forever." he whispered as the Templar yanked him up to his feet roughly. The Templar gave a salute to the Couslands, but ignoring a sobbing Shianni who was still sitting on the ground in a puddle of mud.

"M'lady... Ser ... I must take this mage back to the tower now, and I assure you he will make it there unharmed," he spoke hastily and turned to give Tucker a small shove towards the entrance of the alienage.

Tucker looked around, he tried to put everything to memory. This had been his home for the short ten years of his life. Everything was changing all because of one Shem girl, and his noble ideas on saving her life. He didn't know what his life would be like now, that scared him the most. Just as scary as it was to lose his family. His loved ones would always wonder where he was or if he was still alive. He was no longer Tucker the elf, he was just a mage and that made him even more worthless now. Not only did the Shem see him as dirt, the Maker himself was now closed off to him. His life was over at this point. He didn't care anymore.

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><p>AN: This chapter is dedicated my wonderful friend and Beta ArcturasB, to whom this chapter wouldn't have been. She liked Tucker so much that she asked that for this so we could get to know him better, and I'm so very glad she did. I hope you like it my dear. I enjoyed writing this and to see a little more into Tuck and his hardships of his life.

I had never really thought about adding Interludes to the story, but I think you will likely see more of them every so often and they wont be all about OC's either.

I want to thank all my readers and reviewers also those who alert as well. I appreciate every single one of you. I love to hear what your feelings are about the story and how it's progressing don't be shy.

And I would love to thank my dear betas ArcturasB and Jinx1983 also to my guest beta Pinoko K Thank you very much ladies, you are my awesome and without you this story would be a messy dribble. One last thank you to my amazing and awesome husband Falllenangelz (yes he writes as well) for going over this chapter, and being my rock. You are most amazing and I'm a lucky woman to have you in my life, and I'm sorry this chapter made you cry. *grin*


	7. Chapter 7 Anders

When Life Takes Hold  
>Chapter Seven - Anders<p>

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><p>When we are blind to life,<br>we miss what's most important.

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><p>Over a month had passed since Anders and Justice made their mutual choice to stay and help these people. It had not taken long for this group of apostates and their followers to accept him and make him feel welcome. Anders worked hard to earn the trust and respect of the group. The family atmosphere, everyone working together for the betterment of the group obtained Anders' admiration. Even Justice admired what they had created under such dire circumstances. He still had not told anyone about what he had done, although there were rumours of the Champion and her companions. That they had fled Kirkwall for places unknown and he hoped they were safe even after what Hawke had done to him. He could not find it in himself to be angry with her. With any one of them really. Well he was still angry with Fenris, but who wouldn't be. What Hawke saw in him, he would never understand.<p>

Anders did his best not to take part in any discussions revolving around the mage that destroyed the chantry, and how he was killed by the Champion's own hand. The feelings about what he had done were mixed. While some were disgusted that a fellow mage would go to such extremes, others were more open to the idea, calling it a necessary evil. That just encouraged Justice to boast about what they had done, that what they did had been a good thing and it was only thanks to Anders and Justice, the mages got the justice they deserved. Anders did not feel that way. He could not help but feel that he should be punished for what he had done. Evelyn deserved the truth no matter what became of him, after all he owed her that much.

One night by the fire, Anders had almost confessed everything to all of them. Many had gathered, telling stories to pass the time, and most were about the Champion and her companions. Thankfully, no one knew their names. Anders was prepared to pour his heart out regarding that night, it was the perfect time while they talked about Hawke and the Chantry. But it was Evelyn's opinion of what he had done that made him stop. He stared at her in awe, she called him a hero... a martyr to the Mages. Giving his life for their freedom, declaring that if she could have met the brave soul she would kiss him for what he had done. Anders couldn't tell her after that. He could never live up to the man she'd put up on that pedestal, because he wasn't that man. He was a coward and he proved it even more by not telling her the truth. He did not deserve her.

-OoO-

They had relocated the camp twice since Anders had awoken that fateful night after Hawke had tried to kill him, and now they were setting up camp for a third time alongside Sundermount. Evelyn was not happy, and neither was Justice. Evelyn protested the idea of going into the mountains, but Tucker pushed it and even Anders admitted at first it seemed like a sound idea. There were no Templars wandering around the mountains and they could stay safely in one place longer, maybe even until the colder weather approached. They needed a place they could stay, to try and figure out some long term plans and to find out what was happening with the Templars and the circle of Magi.

The problems started the moment they set up camp. The veil was too thin here, and he understood why Evelyn did not want to stay on the mountain. Anders recalled the time he had spent with Hawke, traipsing around Sundermount. It hadn't been as bad then as it was now but it was still better than living a hairs split away from a city that was now over run with Templars. Traveling anywhere else right now was too big of a risk. Tucker wanted to go to Ferelden. Rumor was that the King had freed the Mages, plus he had his own personal reasons. But winter was coming, and the waters were too dangerous this time of year. Many boats sank before reaching their destination and not many felt it was worth the risk. Anders was unsure about the idea of heading back to Ferelden. The risk would be greater for him, but knew he would go wherever Evelyn went and she was not happy where they were.

Justice was uncomfortable within a place where the tear in the Veil was almost visible, and as much as he longed for the Fade, it was far too dangerous. Demons could be felt looming, and undead would rise unexpectedly, charging to the attack. Luckily, no lives had been lost yet, but Anders was starting to fear that could change any day.

Evelyn's health had begun to decline. She had become more secluded since they settled on the mountain. Before Sundermount, things were better and even her health seemed to have improved slightly. Her sleep was less fitful, yet she still was not eating nearly enough and her weight loss had become very noticeable. When she did eat, she would disappear soon after. Anders could see the pain in her expression as she scurried off to be alone. After some time, he refused to let her hide it, the woman could be so infuriatingly stubborn. He even tried to broach the subject with her once, and was met with a glare that could have killed a man twice over if its power existed. He did not bring it up again.

After that, he had become smart about it, making her food and sitting close, letting the 'Drawing' as Compassion called it take them over, and it seemed to help ease her. They had enjoyed so much of their time just sitting in each others company. He wondered if it was also helping her sleep. Even he found that the dreams of the darkspawn had lessened to a degree when he was close to her.

Anders found himself wanting to spend an increasing amount of time in her company. Not just because of the comforting feeling he felt when he was close to her, but because of who she was. Her kindness, warm heart and of course, her fiery temper, as long as it was not directed at him. She had allowed him to stay in her small adjacent camp, after he used the excuse that he was more comfortable in her company than crowded in a group of people he hardly knew. It was not a complete lie, more of an embellishment of the truth. He wanted to watch over her to make sure she was alright, without her knowing it. Within the few short weeks of her constant companionship, his feelings for her had started to become something more, something deeper.

At first, Justice disapproved of this feeling. It was not like Anders could control how he felt when he was around her. Anders also noticed the sidelong glances she would give him when she thought he was not looking, he knew she felt the same way about him.

Tucker was not pleased with the arrangement either. He had scowled and tried to spend as much time with Evelyn as he could, even resorting to trying to draw her away from Anders with meaningless tasks that he could have easily done himself.

It was when they had taken the settlement high onto Sundermount, that Evelyn's health deteriorated rapidly. Her sleep had become almost nonexistent after only three days and it soon became clear to Anders and Tucker that both would have to put their constant bickering aside. They would have to work together to figure out what was wrong with her.

Anders had placed his bedroll close to hers after the fourth night on the summit, and Evelyn did not protest this bold attempt to get closer. It even seemed to help for a time. Allowing the Drawing to wash over them, put her at ease and she slept a little longer every night. After a few restless sleeps though, he had thought it wise to cast a sleep spell on her, but that backfired on him. She awoke in a fit of screams, seething at him. She was unable to slip back into the world of dreams and was inconsolable for hours. After that, Evelyn forced Anders out of her small secluded camp, making him stay with the others.

A week later, after some heated arguments, he was able to talk her into taking a tent at least. She protested at first, telling him she enjoyed the nights in the open air, watching the stars, but it was getting colder, the bitter winds of the coming winter would leave her shivering. Along with getting her to take the tent she also succumbed to taking some furs for warmth. Anders felt as if he was making some progress again after his mistake.

Only a day later, however, things finally came to a head. Anders and Evelyn had their worst fight, words were thrown like fireballs and it caused her to withdraw completely and stopped letting anyone see her. Afterwards, Anders tried to stay busy in a half hearted attempt to keep his mind off her, making healing potions and gathering herbs. But all he could do was worry about her.

A few days later Tucker confronted him.

"Anders..."

"Ah... Tucker, I was looking for you..."

"We need to do something, she won't even let me see her anymore... I think she's going to leave or..."

"I know, I know... I'm just not sure what else we can do for her, she keeps pushing me away. I can't find anything wrong with her... it makes no sense."

"We can't just leave her up there!" Tucker growled. "It's the furthest away she's ever camped from the rest of us... We should have listened to her, we shouldn't have come here."

"It's too late for that now." Anders sighed and scanned over the size of the campsite, "It would take us at least a week to get down from the mountain. Also, the others will be here with the supplies soon, if we leave now they won't be able to find us. Maybe after they get back then we can..."

"That will take too long, we need to do something now." Tucker stood glaring at him, golden eyes wide and blazing with anger that bore into Anders. "If you care anything about Evelyn, you will help me!"

Tuck was right of course and Anders knew it. He cared about her, maybe even cared too much, but that itch was still in the back of his mind, one that had plagued him for weeks and tried so hard to ignore. Part of him knew what was wrong with Eve. He just did not want to admit it. Not to himself or to anyone, and Justice remained silent on the subject of Evelyn, after a rather heated confrontation with Compassion about Vengeance. That had made the spirit within him almost completely silent. Anders was not sure if this could be considered a good thing, even though he was grateful for the lack of constant berating that Justice did on a daily basis.

Anders sighed, averting his eyes from Tuckers harden gaze.

"Anders, please..." Tucker begged.

Something inside Anders snapped and he couldn't deny it anymore. Tucker was right... Justice had been right, and it was time to put a stop to it. The one thing he used to take pride in, above everything, was that he was a healer and right now he was anything but. Anders stood giving Tucker a curt nod.

"Right, you're right... I'll be back." Anders strode past Tucker, as the elf grabbed his wrist tightly, fingers digging deep into the flesh.

"Not a chance, I'm coming with you."

Anders scowled, shaking his head. "No... wait here, give me some time to talk with her."

Tucker loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side, shoulders slumping forward. "I never stood a chance once you came along." It was a statement, not a question and laced with bitterness and disappointment, and it made Anders' blood boil.

"It was never a competition, you idiot, and I can't believe you would be thinking of something like that right now!" he growled, turning away and stalking off before he said or did something he would regret.

"Anders..." Tucker called out, to him.

Anders ignored Tuckers pleas, and even the silent Justice flared in anger, forcing Anders to focus on Evelyn. This had gone on for far too long and he was not going to stop until he found out what was wrong, and how he could fix it after everything she had done for them. Even if it was indeed as he feared.

The path leading up to her camp was treacherous. As he stumbled along the steep incline, he remembered complaining to Evelyn about how out of the way her camp was and that she was too far away from everyone else. Her response was grim, shrugging and mumbling something about doing what she must. When Anders questioned the response, she had closed down completely.

When he reached the top, Anders paused to do a quick scan of the camp. He was surprised to see that the contents of her packs were scattered everywhere, her tent only half built and leaning horribly crooked. In the time that Anders had known this woman, she was impeccable and very organized, but now things had no order. Then he spotted her, sitting in the middle of it all. Her knees brought up to her chest, with her arms wrapped tightly around them, her face buried between her knees. She was unmoving, and only the faint shuddering showed life. His heart went out to her, he had let this go on for far too long. He'd let her push him away without a fight, he felt it was best… maybe, he did not know anymore. He would never leave her again, he had grown closer to this woman than any other person, even the seven years he'd spent with Hawke. She had not let him know her like Evelyn did. For all her bravado, she trusted him, and he loved her for it. He marched towards her, his face hardened.

"Eve please, you can't go on like this anymore."

Evelyn's head snapped up as she stared at Anders, wide eyed. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she tried to get up, only to cry out in pain, clutching her stomach. Her knees buckled, collapsing to the ground and panic welled up inside of Anders as he rushed to her side. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her into his lap. She pressed her body into him and let out a loud sob, his arms wrapped tightly around her and his heart clenched as she felt cold to the touch.

"It's alright, Eve, I'm here now, everything will be okay," he murmured, running his hands down her back, feeling the bones of her spine and ribs, she was in worse shape than he'd first thought. His hands began to glow, sending a flow of healing magic inside her. Yet he still found nothing that was causing her pain.

He found many things wrong with her health, caused by her lack of eating and sleep, and her body had begun to slowly shut down, but there was no reason, no physical cause for her pain. He felt helpless.

Evelyn weakly wrapped her arms around him, and buried her face into his neck. "I know now," she sobbed. "I didn't know for sure before, but I do now..." She whimpered as she clung to him as if her life depended upon it. And at this point, it did.

Anders held her close against him, trying to use his own body heat to keep her warm. The itch in his mind could no longer be ignored, he had known it too. He had known for some time now but had refused to acknowledge it. Even Justice had tried to warn him and he had just ignored it. "A demon..." he whispered, closing his eyes tightly as he felt her nod into his chest.

His stomach twisted in a knot. There was nothing he could do for her. Anders had heard of things like this in the circle, demons that became tethered to a mage. Sucking their life force from them slowly, trying to break the mage into giving in to them. It was always something traumatic that would cause it, something so completely out of the ordinary which was what made it such a rare thing... Her death, of course that had to be what it was. Most likely, the demon had been drawn to the ritual and got caught when she... maybe it was even a side effect, who could know. Maybe it would happen like that to him if he and Justice... he didn't want to think like that, not now when she needed him so much. How could he have been so foolish to take so long. He had never heard of a mage that had resisted for so long or suffered as much as she had allowed herself suffer.

"Anders," Evelyn sobbed, "you're going to have to kill me."

Her words felt like ice through his veins. "N-no! I will not, we'll think of something, Eve. Just don't you give into it alright? I'll think of something," he whispered.

"What is there left to do?... I'm so tired... I don't want to give in, but my body... I can't live like this anymore..."

"We'll figure out something, I'll talk to Compassion, she'll know what we can do"

"There's nothing left to do Anders, don't you understand? I can't take it anymore... if it... if it takes me over, you'll have to do it anyway. Best do it now before it can get a foothold."

"_**She speaks the truth Anders, this is a kindness you would be doing for her."**_

"_Fuck off, Justice... don't you even talk to me about kindness."_

"_**I understand your feelings for her, but she is a danger. To not do this puts everyone at risk."**_

"_I don't care what you say, I will not give up on her... Not like I did with Karl... I did that once, I cannot bear to do it again."_

"_**Then I shall do it for you my friend, let her be at peace, let me end her suffering."**_

"_NO! You will not, I won't let you! I will figure something out."_

"_**As you wish my friend, the offer stands. But if she turns into an abomination, you know what must be done."**_

"_I know..."_

Justice had never been so agreeable before but Anders could feel the sadness within the spirits turmoil, and found he could not be angry with Justices' offer. This place was dangerous. He wished they had known about the demon sooner, he would have pushed to not to come here, instead of putting everyones lives at risk. Something he had done far too often.

He could hear the sounds of someone coming up the path. The sense of urgency washed over him as he felt Evelyn's body tense. Anders began to feel the drawing tugging at him, pulling him in two directions. One towards Evelyn and the other from...

"Compassion!" he called out to the spirit as she and Tucker appeared from the underbrush that surrounded Evelyn's haven.

Tucker stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Evelyn in Anders' arms and all the color drained from his face. Compassion rushed up beside them and knelt down, her eyebrows pulled together with a severe look of concern. This was the first time he had seen such an emotional response from the spirit.

Compassion reached out to touch Evelyn, but when she flinched away, the spirit's hand dropped. "I am sorry Evelyn, I wish you would have told me sooner," she said softly.

"There was nothing you could have done about it, there was no reason to make anyone worry."

"But we do worry, Evelyn, everyone has been. Can you not see it? With every passing day, as you grew weaker, everyone became more and more concerned for you."

"I... couldn't, the demon... it stopped me, I think," Evelyn sobbed.

"Now there is nothing left to do, I can feel the demon now. When before, I could not. You know what has to be done."

"Yes, I kno..."

"No!" Both Anders and Tucker barked out, as they both glared at Compassion.

"It would be quick, she would not feel a thing, just cast a simple sleep spell and..."

"Finish that sentence and I will send you back to the fade myself," Anders growled, glaring at the spirit. "There has to be something we can do, there must be _something_."

Tucker moved to sit beside Anders on the ground as Evelyn weakly reached out to take his hand. "Damn Eve, your hands are like ice," he said and began rubbing her hand in between his, in an attempt to warm it.

Compassion stood and backed away from them. Her expression was thoughtful and implacable, and it sent a chill through Anders.

"There may be a way." Compassion turned and spoke to Anders, "The veil is so thin here, it would take very little to open it and let you through. Anders, you could confront the demon but as dangerous as a demon would normally be, this one is more so. This demon is trapped like a caged animal." Compassion sighed, shaking her head. "I will not risk this any longer. I care a great deal for Evelyn, but I will not risk the lives of the children because of her." She looked deeply into Anders' eyes before she continued, "Justice, if a demon like this takes hold of her, nothing will stop it. I can feel the power of it, Brother, as you probably do as well."

"_**It is true Anders, this demon is very powerful. If it takes hold..."**_

"_I will figure out a way Justice, at least let me try."_

Justice did not answer him but remained silent again. Anders was unsure what that meant, but he hoped at least for now his friend would help him.

"Compassion, listen to me. I can stop this thing, I'll find a way. You have to trust me."

"Us..." Tucker said, squeezing Evelyn's hand. "I'm not letting you do it alone, we stand a better chance doing this together."

"Fine... we then," Anders said, nodding in agreement to Tucker.

"Don't I have a say in any of this? Do I not get to choose what I want?" Evelyn's voice was weak, but her tone was harsh.

"No, you don't," Anders smiled, kissing the top of her head gently. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he felt her completely relax against him. "Let us help you."

Even though there was so much he did not know about this woman, he wanted her to be around for him to find out. He wanted her here with him and if they could fix this, he would rather die before leaving her again.

"She will need to be asleep then Anders, I will find what I can to prepare and make sure the others are safe... just in case." Compassion said, turning to walk back down the narrow path.

"Tuck, you don't have to do this, I would hate for you to die before you got to go back home." she smiled weakly.

Tucker grunted at that, "I highly doubt we'll be making our way to Ferelden any time soon, besides I would rather die trying to save you than live knowing I didn't even try."

"You deserve so much better than I could ever offer you."

"Don't..." Tucker said softly.

She nodded, turning her face into Anders' chest, he felt her take a deep shaky breath and held it. It felt like time stood still for just a moment with her in his arms.

"I'm ready..." she said softly.

Anders brushed his hand lightly across her cool face, watching her eyes become heavy as he released the spell and she slipped into a deep sleep.

-OoO-

Tucker sat beside Evelyn, running his fingers through her auburn hair, his face a mask of worry. Anders knew how Tucker felt, the elf loved her. Tucker had known her for years. Anders tried to give him some space to be with her until they were ready, but it was harder then he expected it to be. He wanted to be the one next to her instead of being the one helping Compassion and Clare prepare for the rite that would send them into the fade.

"Are ye sure about this, Anders?" The older woman asked, "It's dangerous enough on this side of the veil, I wouldn't want to think about how bad it is on the other side." Clare had always been loyal to Eve, following her without question. The woman wasn't one for excitement, yet never complained, having spent her whole life in the circle. She did not want the freedom at first, Evelyn had told him one night as he watched the graying haired woman tell stories to the children. She only followed Evelyn because she saved them from the fire, even though Evelyn was the one who caused it, she took who she could and they fled.

Clare had told him that the fire was the best thing that happened to her, she had no idea that while being in the circle she was missing so much of the world and how much this new found family would come to mean to her.

Clare assisted Compassion in the preparations, gathering what little lyrium they had stored away. Anders spread thick furs on the ground where they would be laying. Going into the Fade to face this demon was beyond stupid and dangerous, but short of killing Evelyn, this was the only way to save her.

It was a chance they were both willing to take for her. Anders was worried, not only about Evelyn once they got there, but also because once they were in the fade, Justice could very easily take over and who knows what he would do. Justice's feelings towards Evelyn shifted from one moment to the next at the best of times. The spirit agreed with her on most things, but when they disagreed, it would anger Justice and Anders just didn't know what to expect, Justice wasn't giving any indication what his plans were once they got into the Fade.

Tucker kissed Evelyn's head lightly before laying her head back down on the furs. Standing, he looked at Anders with fierce determination. "Lets do this."

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><p>AN: Well things are really starting to come to a head, and the world is spiraling out of control for Evelyn, next chapter is a pretty important one and I'm already half finished. So I'll try and not to make anyone wait too long for it.

An amazing person did a beautiful 3D rendering of Evelyn and Anders for me, it's truly amazing, she is very talented. check it out :) h t t p : / / savvid . deviantart . com / gallery / # / d41btso

I want to profusely thank everyone who has stuck by me through this, all the readers, reviewers, those who put this story on alert and favorites. I am forever grateful for your support so far and love to hear from you all. Even you lurkers. ;)

A big huge thank you to my amazing Betas RandomWittering, Jinx1983, ArcturasB, thank you ever so much ladies, words cannot express how much it means to me for all the help you've given me. Without you all my story would be a whole lot of dribbleish ramblings. ;) Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


	8. Chapter 8 Evelyn

A/N This chapter has been bumped up to an M rating, due to Violence, Language, and Dark Themes.

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><p>When Life Takes Hold<br>Chapter 8 - Evelyn

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><p>It is always darkest before the dawn.<p>

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><p>The sun warmed her skin as the grass lightly tickled her face. The sounds of summer birds filled the air, their songs quietly lulling her. It was music to her ears. She wanted to stay like this forever and never leave. It was here she would always come when ever she needed to get away and right now she wanted to be away from everyone and everything. To just stay here in the sun and let it warm her through and leave everything else behind.<p>

"Evelyn?"

A smile tugged the corners of her lips; she would know that voice anywhere. It was one she would never forget, and one she had known all of her life. It was a voice she missed dearly and this was the only place she would ever hear it again.

"Evie, Where are ye lass?"

Only two people ever called her by that name, and both had been taken from her. Evelyn did not answer right away, deep down she knew this was not him, as he had long since passed, and this impostor, no matter how badly she wished it, was not him but was a demon. She always fought against denying the demons their pleasures, but this time though, this time she wished to bask in the dream and not fight it. She was so tired of fighting them and now she would just enjoy it for however long she had left.

"I'm here Papa," she called out, sitting up and peeking over the top of the tall grass.

"Ah, there ye are, I thought I would find ye here."

And then he appeared to her. It was him in every way. From his warm loving smile to his bright green eyes, the thick dark auburn hair that mirrored her own. That smile always calmed her and his very presence made her feel safe. He wore his hair tied tight at the back and it reminded her of someone, but couldn't quite recall who. The image was just out of her reach as she let the dream take hold.

Evelyn remembered this day; it was the day when everything changed for their little family. Her father wore his best leathers. His prize bow and quiver strapped to his back, which was why she was here in the field; she had run off before he was to leave.

"Don't go Papa," She had pleaded

"Evie, lass ye know I have to." He wrapped his large arms around her, hugging her tightly. "When the Prince calls ye have to answer, ye know that."

"But why you Papa, why not someone else? Missy's Da is as good an archer, ye said so yerself."

"Ye know why lass, but I shan't be gone long. I'll be back 'fore ye know it. Now let's get back 'fore yer Mam starts to burn the forest down looking for ye."

She smiled at the thought, as this was something her Mother would do. She always worried, always expected the worst; it was her Father that kept her grounded and from losing control of her fears. Now it would be her turn. Holding out his hand to Evelyn, he smiled as she took it willingly, letting him pull her to her feet; she leaned into her Father's side as he rested his arm loosely around her shoulders.

"Yer a brave lass Evelyn, I need ye to watch over yer Mam and Sister while I'm gone alright?"

A lump formed in her throat as she fought back the tears, she didn't want to think about it. This was not the last time she'd see her Father she knew, and even though the time had passed quickly as he promised. He had only come back to whisk them away from her beloved homestead to the city to live.

That act in turn is what doomed her family, if he had just turned down the Prince's offer maybe they would still be alive. A nod was all she could offer him as they walked together back to the cottage, her eyes catching a dark figure looming along the tree line. Turning her head away she chose to ignore it and just let it happen.

"You found her!" That voice, so soft like Lucy's was. The words sent a shiver through Evelyn. The sound was so alive and just like her Mother. She felt a part of herself wash over with shame. If her Mother could see her now, she would be disgusted with her daughter for letting herself be led by these demons. Another part of her was tired of caring.

"See love, I told ye she was safe."

"Myles, for as long as I live I will never understand either of you." Her smile was soft and welcoming, yet it set the hairs on Evelyn's neck on end.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," her Father beamed with pride. "Evie and I have a connection ye just can't understand," he chuckled.

"Aye, so it would seem."

Myles grinned mischievously; it was a look Evelyn remembered so clearly. A small gasp escaped her Mother's lips as her Father wrapped his strong arms around her waist, pulling her to him and nuzzling her neck affectionately.

Evelyn looked away from her mock parent's embrace, this lie she could not handle watching, she could not defile the real love they'd had for each other. Turning away she crept into the small cottage while they said their goodbyes to each other.

The place felt smaller then she remembered, yet it was kept clean. The fireplace was lit and burning low. A large cast iron pot hung within the room, most likely cooking the night's dinner. The distinct smell of herbs and cooking meat lingered in the air, stew was the only thing her mother could make well, she recalled fondly. She'd always said living in the circle they never taught such things, and that in the first week that her mother and father were married she'd told her that she had almost burned the house down three times. If it had not been for their father, she surely would have.

A small table was tucked into the corner, and a vase of fresh flowers sat in the middle. Every morning as long as Evelyn could remember her father would bring her mother flowers, always something new that he would find in his morning hunt. This demon was accurate.

A soft cry emanated from the back bedroom and Evelyn crept tentatively towards the room where the door was slightly ajar. The soft cries grew louder as she hesitated in front of it, then reached out and slowly pushed it open. The crying stopped and Evelyn's heart skipped a beat. The room was empty of everything but a crib that had been lovingly made by her father's own hands. He had told her that he'd made it when her mother found out she was pregnant with her, and had been used for Lucy as well.

She stood staring from the doorway at the object in the center of the bedroom; she inhaled a shaky breath and took a step towards the crib. As she crossed the room, a pair of dark green eyes watched her intently from under short dark blonde locks of hair. The child smiled at her approach and reached out with chubby little hands.

"Lucy…?"

The baby giggled and began bouncing up and down with excitement. Her heart ached as she remembered, Lucy was only three years old that day and Evelyn was almost seven.

"EVA!" The demon child squealed with delight, wiggling her tiny fingers, begging her sister to take her away from her confined space.

"Lucy, ye know Papa hates it when you whine like that," Evelyn scolded affectionately, reaching out and plucking the giggling babe with ease from the crib, cradling her against her chest. "Don't worry Lucy, I won't let anyone hurt you," she whispered softly, kissing the top of the child's head. It was a lie of course, she knew it was. One she made before she remembered, and it was one she had to live with for the rest of her life.

There was another presence in the room, she had felt it before, and again would ignore the vile demons pleas. She would not let it take this from her yet, wanting to revel in this lie a little while longer.

"Evelyn..."

"Piss off demon, I have no use for your lies and trickery," she snapped, holding the child tighter to her chest as it giggled playfully, unaware of the other presents.

"Please Evelyn it's me, you have to know it's me, I'm begging you."

Evelyn spun around, a deep seeded loathing threatened to consume her, bright green eyes met dark ones as she glared at the being in front of her. This was not the first time this 'thing' had done this, but she was set that it would be the last. This demon was good, almost had her believing as it locked eyes with her. Eyes that looked almost like her own but darker and filled with a worry that Evelyn knew was not real like everything else.

"I know what you're trying to do and it will not work, I am finished fighting. Isn't that enough?" she grumbled.

"Evelyn no! You can't stop fighting, you can't let it win. It will take you over. Please Eva plea..."

"YOU ARE NOT LUCY!" Evelyn roared and the room around them began to shake, the child cried out then disappeared as if it had never existed. Magic oozed from Evelyn and lightning sparked around her hands. Her body trembled as she glared at the solid form of the demon that claimed to be her lost sister.

The small comforting room lost its shape, twisting and swirling around them. Walls shifting from soft wooden browns to hard wet grey stone. It was dark and the stench of mold and death clung heavy to the air.

Tears welled up in Evelyn's eyes, of all the places she did not want to be... just like before. She knew what was coming, it had happened before and it was happening again. She glanced frantically around the small confined room and all the rage drained from her, replaced by fear.

The demon grabbed her wrist and held her tight, she tried to pull away but the expression of the impostor held her entranced, it was too much, it was far too real. Of all the times she had seen this demon it had never dared to touch her, but this was wrong. It didn't feel like the others, its touch was warm, alive, yet Lucy was not alive. She rarely touched the demons but when she did they felt cold and hard like stone, but this one, it felt like...

"Evelyn we have to get out of here," her eyes were pleading, filled with fear.

"Lucy?" her voice trembled.

"Yes, it's me Eva, I've been trying to help you; please you must listen."

"Lucy, how..."

A large crash broke her focus as the door behind them splintered and slammed open. Startled, Lucy released her grasp on Evelyn's wrist and the pair stared in fear at the looming figure that stood in the doorway.

"No, no, no... Not again... I can't, not again." Evelyn staggered away from the Templar, pressing her back tight against the far wall. It was him, of all the Templars it was always him. Evelyn knew why the demons chose him, and yet she always hoped they would choose someone else.

"Ser Ramsey," Lucy gasped, cringing away.

"Hello pet." His smile was twisted and sickening.

Ser Ramsey was bigger than Evelyn remembered; he was a large bulk of a man, but with the demons hulking frame he looked larger than life. Stepping briskly towards them, his black greasy hair tapered down the sides of his face, his piercing brown eyes looked black and locked onto Evelyn's cowering frame. He had been the one that captured her, that tortured and raped her, turned Lucy into a mindless tranquil and the whole time confessing his warped love for her, or so he professed.

He was insane. Rumor in the circle was he ingested three times the necessary amount of lyrium for a Templar and his addiction caused some undue side effects, one of which was the loss of his sanity. Yet the Knight Commander turned a blind eye to his abuses. Ser Ramsey was the best Templar in Skarkhaven and could do no wrong in the eyes of the Knight Commander.

Fear enveloped Evelyn. She could not move, as past memories rushed into her mind. She was vaguely aware of her sister's screams, everything was just like that night; Lucy's fearful cries as she watched Ser Ramsey beat her Evelyn down. He had found out about Compassion, her hold on the spirit had changed, the spirit was slowly becoming corrupted and the shift within Evelyn was becoming more apparent.

That night Evelyn was sure he was going to kill her, but instead he took Lucy, took away that last link to her family. A jolt of energy began to run through her. Something inside her snapped and her fear ebbed away, replaced by rage. Her promises to Lucy replaying in her mind as the Templar Demon pressed her against the wall, the rancid stench of his hot breath against her face like rotting flesh.

"I have big plans for you my pet," he hissed in her ear.

"Fuck you," Evelyn shrieked and she planted her hand firmly on his chest and shoved.

His unwavering sneer widened, her attempt was futile as he was three times her size, anything she would have tried physically would have little affect on the demon.

"In time lover, but first I have something to show you." Grabbing her arm in a vice like grip, so tight she thought for a moment her arm would be crushed under the pressure he yanked her away from the wall. As he turned to drag her out the door, fire erupted around him, causing him to cry out in pain and loosen his grip on her.

Lucy stood blocking the door, fire streaming from her hands. "Evelyn let's go!" she shouted.

Evelyn twisted her arm away from his fingers as they dug painfully into her flesh. The one thing she always hated about the fade is that everything felt a little _too_real at times, as pain shot up her arm.

"Let go of my sister you asshole." A wave of force magic vibrated through the room knocking both Ser Ramsey and Evelyn to the ground. Evelyn scrambled to her feet and as she darted towards Lucy, a hand clutched her ankle yanking her off her feet. Evelyn's face smashed on the floor, pain radiating through her head, sending her mind reeling._ 'It's not real, the pain, Ser Ramsey, none of it is real_' she chanted to herself. She could feel the pull of the demon in her mind, trying as it may to convince her, to drag her down into this nightmare.

Ser Ramsey staggered to his feet, Evelyn's ankle still in his grasp, she could feel the strain begin to build up on her magic like the air being sucked from her body. Even in her nightmare he was still a Templar and with that came all the same abilities, real or not, it still had the same affect. The release of power sent a shock wave through her as the smite radiated out, knocking Lucy back out of the door, her body smashing against the wall and fell into a broken slump on the ground.

Evelyn wanted to go to her sister. Hold her, comfort her. She kicked and struggled to break free but he just laughed and held her fast. Feeling her mana draining from her, nausea hit her like a tidal wave. She began shaking, her body weak as she fought against the demons hold, her mind felt like a thick black fog that threatened to overtake her. Weak from pain and mental exhaustion, the demon growled and started dragging her helpless body through the door. She stared helplessly at Lucy's crumpled and lifeless body as they made their way out the door and down the corridor.

The halls were long and wet, she could feel the water soaking through her robes. Evelyn wanted to fight back but with the Templar draining her, she could hardly keep her head from bouncing off the stone floors as he dragged her along behind him.

The demon paused, released his grasp on her and pulled her up to face him as his black eyes bore down on her. Fear made way for panic as she tried helplessly to gather her feet under her. The Templar grabbed a handful of Evelyn's long auburn locks and yanked her closer to him.

"You can walk the rest of the way bitch, were almost there."

Evelyn glared at Ser Ramsey, her entire body ached from being dragged like a rag doll. She sneered at him, spit in his face and with a growl of rage, he brought his hand up and struck her hard. Blinding pain shot through her face as she buckled to her knees.

She tried to hold on to her thoughts and remind herself it was the fade, it was not real. She kept telling herself over and over. Her mothers training flipped through her mind, but the demon's hold became too much, and she slumped forward in defeat. She had nothing left.

Ser Ramsey yanked her up by the arm and shoved her forward. She stumbled but let him lead her away to wherever the demon would have his game.

"If you give in to me, I wont kill them you know," The demon purred behind her sliding his hand around her waist, continuing to press her forward.

"I don't know what you're talking about demon." Her voice was flat, she was tired of the games. Her feet felt like they were filled with lead as she moved forward through the darkened halls.

"Don't play stupid with me, cunt, you know full well what I mean. I know you've been fighting the hold, I can feel it."

"I don't make deals with demons, I'll die first."

"You will die if you let him get his hands on you, he doesn't want freedom from the dreams. He wants freedom from you. I can offer you life and freedom away from the nightmares, all you have to do is let me in and I can hold him at bay."

"What part of 'I don't make deals with demons' don't you understand?"

"Then you choose death?"

"Guess so..." she shrugged weakly.

"Foolish bitch, do you not care what those who love you will think? Giving up and letting him win?"

"Of course I care, but..."

"But nothing," the demon seethed, "you have brought this on yourself, dabbling in old magics long since dead; did you not expect it to have repercussions? That you would not draw out those who hide in the shadows. Foolish human, I offer you life and you throw it back in my face."

"Don't try and ply me with your bullshit demon, I don't play those games."

The demon scoffed, shoving Evelyn hard against the door, pressing himself against her back so hard she could feel the edges of his armor dig into her skin.

"Then I guess I will just have my fun with you before he arrives then won't I?" His breath was hot on her neck, his stench making her light headed. He pressed into her further as she heard the springs of the lock release and the door swung open. The room before her was dark, but still brighter then the hallway. Her heart began to pound, her knees buckling at the sight before her. The demon held fast to her keeping her from falling, and hot tears burned her eyes as she fought for composure. This was not real, not real at all. No this was a nightmare, but it was so hard to be sure, the magic was so thick here, the realism of it all. She tried to think, to remember.

"It's not real, it's not real..." she murmured, but the fear in her voice gave her away.

"Ah, but it is my pet," The demon mocked, "Welcome to your reality."

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for the long delay in posting, I've had a rough few weeks with the death of my dog and a bunch of other not so great things. I will try and get the next chapter out within the week if I can.

I want to thank all my readers and reviewers profusely, you all mean so much to me and I thank you all for following this and dropping messages with your thoughts. I really appreciate it and for the lurkers out there *waves* I love you too. :) I would love to hear your thoughts as well.

I want to thank my dear friend and beta RandomWittering for doing an awesome job and beta work for me, thank you muchly hun for putting up with my frazzledness this week. Also I want to thank Jinx1983 for just being you and a awesome dear friend. ^.^ Also a shout out to ArcturasB cause I know she's away this week, and she normally helps with beta and I don't want her left out even though I know she's not here. hehe *hugs to you all*


	9. Chapter 9 Anders and Justice

When Life Takes Hold  
>Chapter 9 ~ Justice and Anders<p>

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><p>Life is life, fight for it.<p>

* * *

><p>Everything was like a haze, a thick fog that dulled the senses. Everything seemed so familiar and yet oddly foreign. But it was always like this here in the Fade. Ever changing, forever different. The Fade was home to him and it always would be. He longed to stay in this mystical realm but it was not yet his time to return. He felt that there was still justice to be done in the mortal world and he wasn't quite ready to let go of his mission; to help bring justice for the mages. This time he would do things differently.<p>

Things would no longer be the same as before. They needed to push on and move forward and now it was he that will lead them. It was very different here in the dream realm of the human woman. He had moved through many mages dreams before, almost always just in passing, but sometimes he would stop to watch. He always found human dreams to be perplexing, but Evelyn's dream felt full, too full.

How that was possible he did not know. Justice sensed the demon holding Evelyn in place and the air was thick with the demon's insane desperation and power. Anders had begged Justice to relinquish control, but this was Justices' home, and here _he_ was in control. He had no intention of relinquishing it.

Justice could sense the elf watching him. He'd had very little contact with Tucker outside of the foolishness that went on between him and Anders, yet he could sense the unease that seemed to roll off his companion and this would not do.

"You are in no danger from me, unless you plan on making deals with the demon," Justice said sharply.

"Not planing on it... I just wasn't expecting you." Tucker managed to respond. "Where's Anders?"

"He is here, but this is my realm, and I will be the one to put an end to this abomination."

"Wonderful... meaning?"

"It means young one, what has to be done will be done."

Tucker's eyes narrowed, as he glared back at him. "You're not going to harm her," he growled. "I won't let you!"

Justice waved him away. "Do not presume you know my intentions mortal. If I had wanted Evelyn dead, I would have done so before now."

Tucker shrugged, "I guess. I don't trust you, just so you know."

Justice did not respond. He could feel Anders' frustration, fighting weakly against him, trying to force the spirit to relinquish control. It would not happen. He would not harm Evelyn unless there was no other recourse, but he would also not stand by and watch her become an abomination. Justice moved away from Tucker quickly, the feeling of unease settling within him. Things did not feel right here.

The Fade swirled around them, changing from a small farm hold into a small, dark, stone room, beds stacked crookedly on top of one another. Tucker gasped as the scene changed and shifted. Anders was filled with dread that left Justice feeling on edge. The room was cold, dim and it looked more like a dungeon cell than a sleeping chamber.

Justice had memories of Anders' life in the circle and this room felt worse then those he recalled. Cramped and suffocating, he wondered idly how the mages in this place could survive in such close quarters.

"Why would she come here?" Tucker murmured.

"What is this place?" Justice questioned, glancing about the windowless cell.

"Eve's room in the Circle at Starkhaven, she hated this place..."

"Then this is likely to be where the demon holds her."

A distant shout drew Justice's attention. It was faint, the sound echoing off the drab stone walls. Justice made for the heavy oak door and tried to pull it open, but found it was locked tight. Anger threatened to consume him as he tugged at the door again to no avail.

"I thought Fade spirits were masters of the Fade? Can't you just will the door open?" Tucker grumbled.

"This is Evelyn's dream. She is the only one who can control it and for the moment, the demon that controls her."

"You mean it has her?"

"Perhaps, but until we find her and show her exactly what the demon is, she will be stuck."

"Great..."

Tucker gasped as the door begin to rattle. Justice pulled his hand away, eyeing it warily as the handle twisted and shook.

"Who do you think it is?" Tucker whispered, as he stood slightly behind Justice's glowing form.

"Likely a demon."

"Oh yay, just what I was hoping for."

"Are you making a joke?"

"I'm not making anything spirit, I..."

Something heavy slammed against the door cutting Tucker short. The rattling increased and Anders screamed in Justice's mind to step back from the door, but the spirit did not move. No demon would make him falter.

Another crash and the door slammed open as if a gust of wind had forced it. Blood curdling screams echoing throughout the room made Tucker cover his ears, and sent Anders further back into Justice's mind.

There was nothing physical in the doorway that they could see and the door led to a darkened hall, small fountains of water trickling down the walls.

They began to move cautiously out into the hall. Tucker shuddered at the sight. "I remember it being dark and dingy in the Circle but not this bad," he said, reaching out to touch the walls.

Justice grabbed Tucker's wrist, pulling him back. "Do not trust your eyes mortal. Demons will fool you, trap you inside Evelyn's own nightmare," the spirit warned, releasing Tuckers arm and letting it fall to his side.

"I know that... I did pass my harrowing you know, I'm not a complete idiot.

"So you say."

"Hey!"

Justice turned, ignored him and walked briskly down the dimly lit hall, making Tucker run hastily to catch up.

"Gee, I think I like Anders better," he mumbled.

"Then perhaps you do not wish to make it out of here?" Justice questioned harshly.

"Touchy... even Compassion was never this cranky."

The hallway twisted and became more narrow the further it went. Doors that all looked the same were closed and Justice walked past them as if they were not there.

Anders silence was short lived and to Justice annoyance, he started badgering him again.

_**"Do you not trust me, Anders?"**_

_"Yes of course I do, it's just that Evelyn would likely listen to me over you."_

Justice knew he did not trust him with this, but it did not matter to him. _**"Do not lie to me, Anders. Have you not learned that we cannot hide things from each other."**_

_"It was worth a try..."_

_**"If you wish for Evelyn to live Anders, you must trust me enough to allow me to do what must be done."**_

_"We'll see about that, I'm not sure if your idea of helping is the same as... Well everyone else."_

_**"What would you have me do, Anders? Just stand back and let a demon take over and destroy everything?" **_His thoughts were full of unaccustomed turmoil. He did not wish to kill the woman, it was not something he was setting out to do, even though everyone else seemed to think otherwise.

Tucker bumped into Justice, bringing the spirit out of the argument. He glanced at the elf and noticed his eyes seemed distant and glassy, a look of shock on his face. Justice turned his attention back the way they were heading. A figure stood at the end of the hall, staring back at them, a woman.

It was Compassion. Justice felt a brief pang of concern on why this fellow spirit had followed them into the fade. Perhaps they were too late. More than likely this was not Compassion at all, but a demon trying to sway them.

She wore her hair down, dark golden curls that rested on her shoulders. She was not wearing the robes that Justice was used to seeing her in, but a light, simple yellow dress that stopped just above her knees.

She stood staring at them, seemingly confused by their presence. Justice then realized it was Tucker the demon was staring at, and the elf just stood frozen and dumbstruck.

As far as Anders could tell, it _was_ Compassion that stood before them, and yet Compassion had stayed behind. The Fade was far too dangerous for her and yet here she was. There was something about the way she looked at Tucker, even Justice could not deny something was different about this girl. Demons played tricks in the Fade and one had to be careful, but both Anders and Justice had the distinct feeling that this being was not a demon.

"Lucy..." Tuckers voice cracked, his eyes wide and tearful.

The spirit beamed at Tucker, but it was not in the same way Compassion smiled. This was a smile that melted hearts and was truly genuine. The spirit sprinted forward, flinging herself onto Tucker, a joyful squeal escaped her lips. Anders watched in fascination while Justice watched warily, leery of the intentions of this being.

_**"It is a demon, we cannot let the boy become sucked into this lie."**_

_"Are you sure Justice? I mean... No one knows what happens to a tranquil soul, who's to say it's not..."_

_**"Do not be fooled by it's silver tongue and promises, Anders, you most of all know what a demon like this can do."**_

_"I know, but I also know that a person trapped in the Fade can come to loved ones, who's to say this isn't Evelyn's sister? Just wait before attacking it, just to be safe... I don't think Evelyn would forgive us for destroying her sister's spirit, if it is really her."_

"_**Fine, we shall see."**_

Tucker's body went rigid, as the girl held on to him as if her very being depended on it. Slowly, the elf relaxed in her embrace, his arms sliding slowly around her waist, holding her tightly against him.

"Lucy... I..."

"Shhh... Don't ruin the moment silly." she chided him with a small giggle.

Tucker closed his eyes tightly, his head dipping down and kissing the top of her head. Justice felt slightly uncomfortable with this outward show of affection. He could still recall Kristoff's memories and how he would show his wife his love for her, and this display reminded him of that. He could feel the longing from Tucker, not for Lucy, but for the affection the two had for each other.

"I miss you so much Lu, you have no idea..." Tucker whispered.

Lucy pulled back, her smile unwavering. She reached out and ran her fingers through the mop of his black hair before sliding her hand down to cup his cheek.

"I miss you too, Tuck, please don't be sad... "

" Lu... I... I wanted..."

Lucy pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him as she shook her head slowly. "There's no time love. We have to help Evelyn, she's barely hanging on."

Her words snapped Anders to attention as fear twisted in Justice, the emotion was so strong he was unsure if it was Anders' feelings or his own. Even in the Fade this body betrayed him.

"Where is the demon?" He demanded, wondering how much of this feeling was Anders attempting to gain control.

Lucy glanced at Justice. A look of recognition dawned her face, as if seeing him for the first time, "Oh, It's you! You're real this time." Her eyes lit up and her smile became almost mischievous.

Justice had seen that look on Evelyn many times, when Anders' conversations turned into playful banter. This was Evelyn's sister he was almost sure. Why she was here in the fade was a different story though, and he was not about to trust her.

"You are the spirit of the girl called Lucy?" Justice spoke slowly, his glowing eyes transfixed on the woman who looked liked Compassion, yet spoke like Evelyn. Confusion crept into Justice's' hardened expression, did she mean him?

"You... She dreams about you... a lot," she chuckled

"She does?" he questioned, confusion settling in.

"Yes, I thought you were made up. Some figment she used to stop from losing herself. Glad to see I was wrong on that front." she mused. "I'm Lucy, Eva's sister."

"Eva?"

"Evelyn, I always called her Eva, it use to drive her crazy." she smiled, her eyes giving off a distant look.

"I see."

Why would Evelyn dream of him? The spirit could feel Anders' amusement at his turmoil and the mage gently mentioned it was not him Lucy was referring to. The realization left Justice feeling slightly disappointed, something he was not expecting, nor anything he had felt before.

_"You like her,"_ Anders teased.

**"I never said I did not."**

_"No no, you 'like' her. Why did I not see it before? All the arguments about how right she is, you've almost agreed with everything she said!"_

"**That is not true."**

"_Oh, wait you're right! There was that ONE time... ha, you like a human woman."_

An uncomfortable feeling threatened to take over Justice, but he did not wish to argue with Anders about it, nor examine it too closely. It did not matter what kind of feelings he had towards Evelyn, the woman was a danger to them if this demon could not be killed. He would do what he must, regardless of how he or anyone else felt about her. Anders was not happy with Justice proclamation, fighting against the spirit's will.

"**Anders, stop this, you cannot take control, not now, not here."**

"_Justice, please... I just want to."_

"**I understand, you just have to trust me, Anders."**

"_I'm not sure if I can."_

"**I know..."**

Lucy grasped Justice by the arm, the warmth of the touch was a shock to him and he quickly pulled away. Demons were cold and hard, this he remembered. This was warm and soft, reminding him of the warmth of the sun. The girl paused, looking up at Justice, confusion and worry etched on her face.

"We have to go," she pleaded. "one of them took her."

"One of them?" Justice voice boomed.

"Yes, the demons. They are all over, being drawn by one and I think it's a little insane." Lucy said, frowning.

"Insane?" Confusion colored Tuckers voice, "I didn't know demons could suffer from insanity."

Lucy shrugged, "I dunno Tuck, I just know what I've heard and seen. The spirits near here are becoming restless and the demons have been gathering... The veil is thin where she is, isn't it?"

"Yes, we made a big mistake." Tucker mumbled.

"I'll say," she grumbled. "The Fade here is filled with very old demons... What were you thinking?" she snapped.

"We were trying to find a safe place away from the Templars." Tucker sighed.

"Oh and there's no safer place then a demon infested mountain, how silly of me to think that's worse..." Lucy said rolling her eyes at them both.

Before either could respond, Lucy threw her hands up in the air, huffing with annoyance and charged down the darkened dreary halls. Tucker gave Justice a sour look before taking off after her, leaving him to gather his thoughts. This was not going the way he had expected, all the feelings that pulled him in different directions. Evelyn, Lucy, Tucker, even Anders constant struggle for dominance left the spirit slightly bewildered. He even felt Vengeance toying at the edges of his thoughts. He had hoped that the demon within him had been sated with the chantry's destruction. It had been quiet these many months. He was wrong, he shouldn't have hoped.

"_We gotta go Justice, please hurry." _ Anders emotions were both panicked and pleading, the need to join them was overwhelming.

"**I am sorry, Anders." **It was all he could say as he followed after the others, he hoped they weren't too late, but something told him they were. His strides, long and swift, taking no time to catch up to the others.

The wet tunnels seemed to ooze with clear fluid. Justice watched as Tucker shuttered, moving closer to Lucy. The spirit of the girl slipping her hand into the elf's, he squeezed it tightly and Justice found himself jealous of this affection. Not of them, but what they had, what they felt and what Anders was feeling for Evelyn.

Anders emotions were so much stronger then what he felt with Kristoff. The dead host had memories, a ghost of feelings he did not understand. But Anders, he was alive and so were the feelings, some he's never understood and was unsure he wanted too.

"**If there is a way, Anders, I think it best we separate, if it can be done.."**

"_You don't want me to be your host anymore? What about the mages? I don't think I can do this without you."_

"**These feelings Anders, your feelings. They are too much, too strong. They are what corrupted me, turning Vengeance loose. I still feel it looming, so must you. What if next time it is something worse then Vengeance that corrupts me? I may not be able to stop it next time."**

"_There is something worse than Vengeance?"_

"**There is always something worse Anders, that is my point."**

"_Oh, I didn't realize."_

A terrified scream emanated from a heavy metal doors at the end of the narrow hall, breaking Justices' thoughts. They all froze, stirring emotions reaching their peek, fear for them, for her. Evelyn was there behind the doors, the spirit knew and whatever was behind those doors, they would need to be prepared for.

Justice did not hold back. He charged at the door, a blast of energy burst through out from him. Heavy oak doors flew off the hinges. The crash made Tucker flinch and Lucy squeak from behind him.

Torch light emanated from within the room. Justice stepped briskly inside, taking in everything before him. A gasp from behind him. Tucker, he knew. Taking him a moment to realize what was happening before him, Anders' panic and rage flared to life. This time, Justice felt his hold slipping.

Bodies were scattered around the room, while others hung on meat hooks, some dangled by chains that were tied tightly around the wrists, while sharp silver hooks protruded from the chests of the others. Justice knew some of the bodies, people from the camp, even the mangled body of Tucker hung dangling, naked skin half peeled from his flesh. And then they spotted her. Evelyn.

She was there, on her knees in the middle of the room, her head slumped forward. Her body slouched in a dark blue dress that Justice did not recognize. It was worn, thin and torn, and stained in blood. Her hand had been bound tightly behind her back. Her red hair had been darkened and soaked with blood. It was stuck to her face making it hard to see her green eyes that stared blankly at a mangled body that lay outstretched before her. Resting against her knees she stared at it, unmoving. It was not just any body, but the body of Anders. A surge of fear, anger and panic filled him at the sight of her kneeling there at his mangled side. Justice could no longer tell if the emotions he was feeling were his own or if they belonged to Anders.

Anders screamed within his mind, withing and fighting. Everything was becoming a jumble of memories, thoughts and feelings. Kirstoff's and now Anders, they have become too much.

Justice stared at her as she sobbed, but she was no longer Evelyn before him, blood soaked and beaten, but Aura, her blonde hair caked with filth. The rage from Kristoff's memories flooded him, his fears for his wife, the feelings Justice himself felt for her. What if this was her. What if it was her blood that was spilled. The spirit had promised to protect her. He made promises to a dead man to bring justice to him, to keep her safe and even that he could not fully accomplish.

Anders struggle to take hold was at its peak now, and even though the spirit knew that everything within this hellish nightmare was controlled by the demons of this realm, he could feel Vengeance writhed inside his thoughts and Justice had begun to allow himself to surrender to the mages will. Justice lost himself to a feeling of uselessness, a foreign emotion to him. It wrapped itself around him and consumed him.

Anders fought the spirit with all that he had, even if it destroyed them both. He had to get to her. There was no more standing by, no more half measures. He was a healer and Evelyn was suffering. He had come to realize his feelings for her had grown over the recent weeks. This damn demon needed to die so she could live. She had to live. He did not want to lose her.

Anders dropped to his knees, searing pain pierced his skull. Grabbing at his head a blood curling scream echoed through his ears. They were his own screams, the chaos was overwhelming. Justice finally let go, falling back into the pits of his own mind. He could hear Tucker's voice yelling, but could not make out the words. His eyes were tightly closed. Then he felt someone gently touch his shoulders.

"Anders?" Tucker whispered, "Are you alright?"

He tried to answer but his entire body felt like it had been made of lead. He was trying to nod when Lucy's voice cut through his mind and brought everything to focus.

"Tucker! Look out!" Lucy screamed.

"Oh fuck, not him," Tucker cursed, as he yanked Anders' by the shoulder, pulling him back across the floor.

Anders eyes darted around the room. Small bright lights behind his eyes made it hard to focus, but he was able to make out a figure moving fast towards him. A sword of mercy was etched on the chest of the silver armor. The mage tried to scramble back as the figure came into focus.

"Templar..." Anders croaked, in a failed attempt to get his feet under him.

"Not just any Templar," Tucker growled, pulled Anders by the arm, even harder, "We need to move our asses now, get up!"

" I... I'm trying."

"You picked a fine time to come back." Tucker spat.

"I'm sorry, next time, I'll let Justice run the show."

"Will you two shut up and move!" Lucy shouted, shoving Tucker out of the way before pulling Anders to his feet.

The Templar's eyes were like blackened pits as he glared at them, his face splattered with droplets of blood. His demonic smirk sent a icy chill through Anders. This was the Templar, the one Evelyn told him about, Ser Ramsey, the one who turned Lucy tranquil and the one who...

Lucy lunged at the demon, Tucker grabbed at her arm trying to hold her back. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Tucker snapped.

"If you didn't already realized Tucker, I'm already dead." she snarled, yanking her arm away from his grasp, "What are you, scared? Why are you even here Tucker, if you're not going to help."

"I am going to help, I'm just not going to fling myself at a damn demon Lucy, I would like to come out of this with all of us still alive. Marker's balls! Am I the only one with an ounce of sense here?"

"Tucker, this isn't even the demon causing trouble for Evelyn. This thing is just one of many that fought it's way through. Don't you get it? If we don't do something now, Evelyn will be dead and you along with her."

"Lu, I... can't you come back, you're body, it's still there, Compassion..."

"No I can't. I'm sorry,. I was... there. It's like being trapped inside yourself, when Compassion took over, it was like being forced out. I was plunged into the Fade. Here I can feel, I am myself again. I could never go back to that. I'm okay Tuck, this place it isn't so bad."

"I miss you Lucy, I miss you so much it hurts, I see Compassion and.. I keep thinking that one day, it will be you again, and we can be together again like before, but better because we won't be trapped in the circle, we will be free."

Lucy closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly. "I am so sorry Tuck, I truly am. I wish for that too, I really do. I promise you this, I will wait for you... when your time comes, I will be here waiting. It's all I can offer."

"Okay, if that's all I get, then I'll will look forward to that day." he said softly.

"You have to live Tucker, I need you to live a full life. Time moves different here, but I promise, after you've lived, I will be here and we can be together alright?"

Tucker nodded solemnly, "Alright, I promise."

"Aww, isn't that sickening, true love unrequited, what do you think, little mage?" The demon, turning his attention back to Anders, waiting for a response.

Anger flared up through him, he could feel the heat of fire dancing across his palms. It was purely on instinct, and was easy even in the Fade. He needed to get to Evelyn and if that meant going through this piece of shit demon, then so be it.

"What are you doing, Anders?" Tucker squealled, fear was heavy in his voice.

"I will not let this demon hurt her anymore," Anders growled.

"Have you lost your mind? You can't fight him like this!" Tucker spat. "Dream or not, this is suicide."

Anders ignored the elf, letting the fire build up within him. The demon Templar faltered, watching the mage with intense fascination. Anders felt the familiar strain, the icy pull of his mana being drained. Anger twisting into fear as he watched the demon dispel his spell with a twist of his hand.

"Awww, what's wrong little mage? Not so big and brave without your magic?" the Templar sneered.

"Shit." Anders cursed, stumbling back as the demon pressed forward.

Laughing, Ser Ramsey grabbed a hold of the collar of his shirt, yanking him up helplessly, leaving his feet dangling off the floor. Anders kicked and twisted in the Templar's grasp. "Not so brave now, are you?"

"Fuck you!" Anders grunted. He started to regret fighting Justice for control. He was wrong. He was so blind to the fact that the spirit had been right all along. But now Justice was conflicted and withdrawn, Anders could hardly feel him. Whatever had happened back there his friend was not in any shape to be of help anymore.

"So brave. I like the strong ones, the ones with fight in them," Ser Ramsey chuckled, his eyes glancing up at Tucker and Lucy, both staring wearily back at him. "I think I like this form, you mages seem to respond so well too it."

Roughly, the demon forced Anders to the ground next to Evelyn and his doppelganger. Turning his head, he looked at her as she sat motionless, blood dripping from the end of her nose, as her gaze stayed fixed to the other Anders' mulled corpse.

"Eve, it's going to be alright, we're going to stop this." he groaned. The demon bellowed a condescending laugh. He could see Evelyn's body stiffen, though he wasn't sure if it was his words or the demons laugh that caused the slight reaction.

"I am so very glad you joined us, little mage. You see, I think you can accomplish for me that which I could not."

"I will not help any demon, I will kill you myself!"

"Ah such a shame, but you see I do not need you to do anything, you have already done it just by being here." The demon purred. "You see, she can tell no matter how close I get to replicating you, I can never quite fool her but now that you are here. I won't need to try again, do I girl?"

Evelyn's eyes fluttered, giving him a side long glance, tears welled up in her eyes, Anders' heart sank, he wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her, but her green eyes were full of sorrow and regret.

"Why didn't you listen?" She whispered, "Why couldn't you just let me go?"

"Evelyn I..."

Evelyn cried out as Ser Ramsey's gauntlet hand struck her hard in the side of her face. The sound was a sickening thud that echoed in his ears. Rage consumed him. This time Justice took notice, coming forth into his thoughts again and Vengeance echoed the fire within him. He struggled to gather his feet. The shouts of Lucy and Tucker were farther away now, muffled. He could not see them nor could he see what was happening. Growls filled the room, it was everywhere. The demon Templar cursed, tossing Anders to the side like a rag doll.

"Fool!" He hissed at Evelyn. "I offer you a way out, and you deny even that?" The demon stands before her, forcing her to met his gaze. "Now it's all but too late. One last time, take the offer now, mage. I will be the one to kill your love, but it will be the other that kills you and when it is finished with you, there will be nothing left for your friends to save."

"N..No!" Evelyn snarled, "I will not be threatened or bullied. I welcome death, I am tired of fighting. I grow sick of everyone looking to me to save them when I cannot even save myself." She sobbed, softly.

"What about that one?" The demon pointed at Anders' crumpled body, "I have seen your desires, pet. I know what you truly want, and you want him." he purred, kneeling down beside her. His metal fingers grazing lightly over the now bruised flesh. Although a dream, it was real enough to be effective. "I will spare them all, and you can be with your mage. All I am asking is for you to let me in. I just dream about seeing the waking world again. I wish to feel as you feel, nothing more. And you shall get what you have wanted from the moment that mage opened his eyes.

"Don't do it Eve, we'll find another way, please..." Anders pleaded, his body ached as he tried to convince his mind that none of it was real. His body lay in the waking world, but his mind would not accept it. He crawled his way to her, pushing her hair from her face, her eyes locked on his own.

"Anders, I'm sorry I wasn't what you thought I would be."

"What? You crazy woman, how would you know what I wanted, you never asked." he smiled down at her, attempting to ignore the demon's low growls.

The sound within the room grew louder as the room began to vibrate around them. The Templar hissed, "It's now or never dear, life with me or a slow, painful death."

Something in her expression changed, as she stared into Anders eyes giving him renewed hope like a fire being lit inside him. She smirked at him, turning to face the mock Templar.

"Fuck you!" She hissed, forcing herself to sit up, spitting in the demons face.

"Fool! Such a waste of flesh," It groaned, turning away from them.

The sounds within the room were deafening, the growls grew more intense. Anders could now see Lucy and Tucker were backed into a corner, as the dead doppelgangers fought to reach them. Ser Ramsey glanced around, a look of panic in his expression.

"Shit." He cursed, as the room around them began to shake.

Anders surged forward and covered his body over Evelyn's as stone and rubble began to fall all around them. He could feel the air around them become hot and rancid. A war waged within his mind. Justice, Vengeance and his own all fighting for sanity. So many thoughts, so many doubts. Evelyn struggled beneath him, her hands still bound, she kicked at him with her legs.

"Let me up, damn it." she threatened.

"Evelyn, stop it. I'm trying too...uh!"

Pain shot through his ribs as her foot connected with his side. He grunted, rolling off of her. He was really getting sick of how real everything in the Fade had become. He watched her roll onto her back, there was something in her eyes as she looked at him. It was like something sparked her into action. He wasn't sure if it had to do with him being there, even thought he liked the idea. The fact she was fighting now, for whatever the reason, he was grateful.

"My hands, Anders, help me... argg!"

Anders pulled at the shackles around her wrists, trying hard to stay focused on everything around him. The demon growled and seethed, as it now scurried around the room like a trapped rat. Quickly Anders was able to loosen the bindings. With Evelyn free, they scrambled to their feet, she dashed toward Tucker and Lucy. Bodies of the dead doppelgangers laid spread, and unmoving around them once more. Evelyn flung herself into her sisters arms, the young spirit yelped and grabbed hold of her sister for dear life.

"Lucy I..."

"Shh, no time, Eva, and I understand. There's no need to explain yourself." Lucy cooed, pulling her sister back. Standing like this, Anders could see how much more they looked like sisters and even though Compassion is in Lucy's body, the expressions and mannerisms made all the difference.

"This coming from a girl who use to cry herself to sleep when anyone looked at her the wrong way." Evelyn chuckled.

"I've grown wise in my old age," she giggled.

"Old age is it? I would have sai..."

The rumbling in the room subsided, a high pitched wail broke Anders' focus on the siblings. A large black mass of pure liquid, dragged itself slowly along the floor. The demon grasped Ser Ramsey tightly in its hand. Anders pressed himself firmly against the wall, his stomach began to turn as the black demon squeezed the Templar, the sound of bone and metal cracking, as Ser Ramsey's scream grew louder, more intense. The creatures head reminded Anders of the high dragon that Hawke had killed a few years ago, its body slick with viscous fluid that dripped off it. The rancid stench had become overpowering. The demon groaned, opening its massive jaws wide, jagged rotting teeth jutted from its gaping mouth as it reached up, tossing the demon Templar inside. Jaws clamping down, a piercing muffled cry echoed out before silence.

"A demon eating a demon, and here I thought I'd seen everything." Tucker mumbled.

"I wonder if that could be considered cannibalism." Lucy mused.

"Well I have always wanted to see the bastard die a horrible death. I guess this will have to do." Evelyn retorted.

"Death by giant slobbering demon. I'm not sure it could get much worse then that, love." Anders said, he went ridged as the words escaped his lips, his hand slapping loudly across his mouth.

Hoping it slipped by unnoticed, he risked a glance. Tuckers eyes boggled at him and Lucy fought back a smirk, of course he couldn't be so lucky to let the slip by. Evelyn didn't hide her mischievous grin. Even here, he could feel his face grow flush "I.. I... mean, I'm."

Stretching up onto her toes, she kissed him lightly on the cheek, "I know, me too." she whisper softly. "Now let's deal with this demon, I'm not getting any younger."

"What made you change your mind? I mean a few minutes ago, you were ready to throw your life away? Not that I'm complaining, I'm glad you're fighting back. I just wonder..."

"I realized, Anders, that somethings are worth fighting for, that and I now want to see how this turns out," she grinned back up at him.

"Turns out?" He grinned.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

"Yes, it would be nice to know just in case I'm wrong."

"You're not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, very sure."

"Sure of what?"

"Anders... this really isn't the time or place."

"Alright, alright, but when we get out of here, you owe me some answers."

"IF we get out of here, I'll give you whatever you want."

"Whatever I want, huh? I like the sound of that."

"Will you two give it a rest? As amusing as this is, when big, bad and ugly is finished with his dinner, I don't think I want to be next on his list for dessert." Tucker growled.

"Don't be jealous, Tuck, be happy for them," Lucy scolded.

"I'm not jealous, I just don't think now is the time."

"You look pretty jealous to me." Lucy said pointedly.

"I'm not, maybe I was once, but now... it's different..."

"Oh, Tucker I ..."

The sound of grinding metal grated on Anders nerves. The massive beast pawed at its mouth as if trying to dislodge bits of Templar from his teeth. Evelyn grimaced at the sound.

"What kind of demon is that?" Evelyn asked, "I've never seen one like it before, looks more animal than demon."

"I have no clue, maybe it isn't really a demon? Maybe some sort of... uh, I really don't know... maybe this isn't its true form?" Anders voice cracked, as the large creature turned it's rotting head towards the group. Dark grotesque eyes stared down at them, a low growl filled the room.

"We do not hide our true selves, child," The demon hissed, its voice echoed through their minds as it pressed itself lower, as if to get a better view.

"Oh shit..."

* * *

><p>AN: I LIVE! I am so very sorry for taking so long to update, with an unexpected and tragic death of a family member. And many other things so much has happened and I have had little time to work. I hope this is the end of the long waited updates, I expect more updates more often. I've been working on some new Fic's some are purely funny, Mia the Mage, and I have a new story in the works that will hopefully be out very soon.

Thank you all so much for sticking by me. I am so very thankful for my readers, reviewers and lurkers your support means so very much too me. I love hearing from you all and your reviews and kind words keep me going. I thank and love you all. :)

Big HUGE and ENORMOUS thank you to my best friend and sister Jinx1983 for guest betaing this chapter, you have no idea my sweet how much your friendship and support has meant to me. Our endless chats and funny banters have kept me going this far, and I look forward to a life time more. ;) You are a strong and amazing woman dear and I thank you for everything. Everyone should check out her fic World Spins Madly On. Amazing story.

And for my other big huge thank you to falllenangelz, who also worked till the wee hours of the morning going through this chapter with me. I thank your nagging and pushing me to finish writing has really kept me going. Thank you my dear.

I also what to thank RandomWittering, and ArcturasB my two main beta's. Can't wait to get back into the grove again ladies, no more two month waits for chapters. At least I hope. ;) Thank you both for everything you have done for me thus far. I didn't want to leave you two out of the thanks. Love ya both.


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